Friday, June 21, 2013

Uncomfortable Comfort.

I don't even know where to begin right now. First off, I'm kidless right now.
The child is at Camp NanaPoppaAwayFromMomma - no I didn't "drop my basket" with her or anything, she just needed some great time of freedom and g'parent spoiling. I mean, our home is complete nonsensery and boxes right now...
But she has been loving the boxes.
Turning them into spaceships and lion cargo crates that warn: "Don't open until Thursday. Lion inside!"

Y'all it's getting real, but I have to remember literally (correct usage) everyone and their respective dogs are moving right now and that's not really news.

Can I just say and please tell me someone agrees with me on this, that we live in a weird time where when you tell someone your home is for sale and they can go home and find out for how much, the square footage, and see pics of all your dwelling place (but they were beautiful pics- not taken by me) by looking at HAR.com?

Guilty. I have totally HARed or Zillowed or Truliaed people. Sometimes by accident. Sometimes by sheer curiosity. And sometimes to see just how they decorated. I know I'm not alone in my fascination of how people decorate.

Especially richies.

And the local drill teams and their families bank on it. Every Christmas. And I pay up to basically look at houses I would never be invited to formally to support drill teams and their needs for new uniforms or travel expenses all under the name of: So and So School's Drill Team Home for the Holidays Tours!

Weird, right? I love to go though. I just like to see pretty things.
Or even better, gosh-awful things that make no sense.

Everything is weird right now for me. That's why I've been silent.

I am quasi. Quasi not liking how things are turning out and no one understands why. Even me!

I don't want a cookie cutter life. I hate baking. But really, it hates me.

Anyone else feel like when they are given what their peers see as more and as natural and as the next step that that is just not??

Okay. Let me get off the cryptic train here and say. Update:
Our house is sold. Just like everyone recently in the vicinity, it sold in hours sight unseen and for more than asking. The market around us is absolutely flame-thrower-blazing-atomic-nuclear wings hot right now.
Thank you Lord!
We have basically been moved out of our neighborhood (Please see comment re: market and the level of heat) and have had to go West. I have told some by running into them and have not told others because this requires me to eat my words in public.

We are taking Leelah out of  her beloved Creech. Oh my heart.
BUT it's okay. We told her that mommy and daddy tried so hard. We thought it was what God wanted to keep her in this exact school, but that it seems there is a new plan that He has for our family. There is a new plan and I am not able to go into all the details. But it is miraculous. I promise to really talk about it one day.

THERE IS NOTHING IN THE MARKET FOR THIS SCHOOL Y'ALL.
We truly cannot afford an apartment either. Tried. They are waaaaaay more than houses in a short term. You have got to be seriously balling to afford that.
Plus, we are not 2 noters. Whatever.
Scorn me and take me off your garden party list.
I DO NOT CARE. I hate chicken salad anyway.

We didn't go into that with her. We realized with some wise counsel of the Christian nature:
"Sometimes God doesn't want you to tell the plans you (me) think He has made."

Oh.

But.

That's kind of my thing.

Oops.

So. We looked out West. Hey, everyone else is doing it.

And we found a lovely home in the making. Ready Aug/Sept.

And now the boxes are plentiful, thanks to dear friends.

I'm still remaining faithful I pray to my vow of not complaining about this process.

Upon moving out of our current home, we will be residing in the Suites of Candlewood! Yes, 376 sq. ft of family togetherness will be shared and enjoyed! That includes a bed, table, closet, a room of rest, and a kitchen! I'm really looking forward to it. Really. I'm going to make it like a family fort. And then go Ape and Bat Crazy and run down the halls with a spatula and a thing of deodorant. I don't know.

I don't have dates and I'm not going to give out any other info. Things change like crazy. Remember, not really supposed to tell plans anymore? At least until we get the keys.

We are still in the holy, sanctified Katy ISD. And when we took the kiddo to go check out the new school digs, get this, there was a beautiful, promising sight from the Lord:
a rainbow over the school.
I do not kid.

She's totally cool with all of it. She was a little sadconfused at first, but with some "You'll still see _______ and _______ and __________ at ____________ and at ___________." It all got better.

I was moved around a lot as a kid and DID NOT LIKE IT. Never got planted and I was already a little bit unplanted anyway.

But here's the thing.

Maybe it's all the Ann Voskamp, Katie Davis, Jen Hatmaker and Oswald Chambers, but I just feel like a hypocrite.

We give. We tithe. We sponsor.

But here Leelah and I are listening to this beautiful story, Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis, and dang it all to heck if I don't pause that story to call John and talk about stupid upgrades and this and that's regarding this new home.

I'm not trying to hate on people that own these "blessings" but I feel burdened already. I'm so thankful and so excited to get a home that is new. It's kind of neat to be all "land rushy" and claim our spot and see our future home being built. It's really nice.

We are praying on expanding our family as God leads and this is the next step.

But media rooms and game rooms?

Does anyone else struggle with this? I'm so sorry. I want to reiterate. I'm not hating on these.

We have not been officially called to serve in a third world country. But I feel like my heart hurts when I see just how first world we are.

Anyone?

Let's be honest. Maybe out of all my peers- my true peers not the richies- we did not have a gameroom or a media room growing up. Okay, I never had either. And I thought a 2 story was extravagant. Still do. We NEVER saw anyone that had a room for just their toys. It was just all in their room.

But we are doing this new home deal in frugal fashion. Let me attest. I don't feel we are going crazy with it. I'm just saying I don't want to be hypocritical here. And our new home will have empty rooms in it. For real. Empty. 
We might put the spaceship box in one.

Can we just talk about some of the streets these schools are on? How are kids supposed to know what real is? Dang.

Oh, la la la, let's go to school today down mansion street! Tra la la, skip dee dip, oh look out for golf carts passing by don't want to get our toesies squished!

THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE.

And I'm not better than anyone else here and praying I'm not piousy about this. God help me.

I just want our home to be consecrated.

Consecration. I looked it up in the big book- my concordance- and from what this Aggie mind could gather, it means something to the effect of "to make it holy" or to "give it to God."

It's something I keep seeing over and over again in reading the Bible straight through. I highly recommend The Bible in 90 Days. I fell off the wagon for a week or two, but I'm back on it and love it. Not caught up, but trying to keep going with the program. Look, you only have to read 12 pages a day! It's amazing!!

I could go to Africa or China or wherever God calls me. Right stinking now. I will get a backpack and the number of wherever I'm going's local opthalmalogist and I will be set.

But it seems that is not my call. What the crap is my call?

Well, I have a breaking heart for the girls of this world. So I'm sticking with that. I was broken for our girls and the too-soon attacks on their innocence. And that happens locally. So until God says otherwise, we will move to this "blessing" of a home and it is, truly, and just try to follow as best as we can what God is leading us to do.

How will we consecrate our home?
I don't know. Pray I guess.
We go and visit it - or have for the past 2 weeks- and they misspelled the name of our street.

That right there is a sign. Normal for the Nichols. THE ACTUAL STREET'S NAME ON THE ACTUAL STREET SIGN WAS MISSPELLED. Awesome. I have pics to prove it.

So when we go, we just pray over all of it. Pray for God to use it as He leads. Fill it up with what He wants and who He needs to be there.

Can we be missionaries in Katy? Can we witness to the "blessed?" I don't know. I guess. We will have to. I don't feel comfortable in all this comfort.

Thankful for the comfort and nervous at the same time. Lord, please take over. This is just too much for me.

I want to say sorry. I'm sure I offended one of the three people who actually read this blog that are not Russian comment spammers. I'm not better than anyone. Oh golly, I'm so not.


Here's what I'm going to cling to right now: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."- Luke 12:48

2 comments:

Erin (Bell) Parks said...

I just had Wine with a dear friend and THIS topic is what we discussed for three hours!!
When you invite children over for a playdate after school, apparently it is considered normal around here for the invitee to make a list of all the "things" they have at their home in order to convince invitor to MOVE the playdate's location???!!!!!

The Nichols Fam said...

Wow. I'm beyond sad at that. God save us from this "normalcy." That disgusts me. Thankful for true, real friends that would rather die than do that.