Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Stand By Your Man, Please!

That's John, my husband. Sidenote: We had just seen Pan's Labyrinth. Quick review of that movie: SAD, IMPENDING DOOM, YIKES, but visually beautiful. SideSidenote: He doesn't care that I post stuff like this.

John and I have just had a breakthrough in our relationship. Gross, yes, I'm gonna get all DTR on you right now. Maybe you can pick up what I'm putting down, i.e. relate...

John was going through a season of onslaught at work. This season (the past 3 years) wouldn't have been so bad if not for me and my issues:
Oh sure, I'm a barrel of monkeys with tap shoes on to hang around with but:
1. I like to eat fancy all the time, it's a disease ABFS, Always Be Fancy Syndrome.
 Evidence: I had to talk aloud to myself yesterday to convince myself that I wouldn't perish from eating a homemade, cold sandwich. "You're going to be okay. I know it's not nachos, but it's going to be alright. Lots of people do this. You are on a budget. Live like no one else..." Anyone else feel this way??
2. I'm medically intense.... See all posts from years 2007-2010 and the Mayo Clinic Doctormentary videos.
3. I'm growing my bangs out. See proof above. That's hard times.
4. I was going through stuff. Kind of like extreme heart makeover.

John was being assailed at work (rightly so, I mean it is a job) and assailed at home.
While most of the Wife Strife was medical and some the dealing with my past, that wasn't the bad  part.
The bad part was me and my stank face about why was his work stressing him out. And fellow wives and moms, you gotta know that you gotta be less stank to your husband. Let me tell you about what I had to learn that might be useful...

I was upset that he was bringing his work home: mentally. I compared my situation to other couples: So and so doesn't complain. Oh that ol' so and so. Always the joy-stealer that comparison monster is. (C.S. Lewis agrees.)

So we sought wise counsel through our church. I just knew that our trusted counselor was going to see it how I saw it:
"Look, I'm sorry for you and your hard stuff at work. But I can't walk and may not see the next day. Oh and I can't have babies and I'm approx. 30. And I'm dealing with past crap too. So that in no way compares to a tough day at work, which I would gladly take over what I got to deal with.frfvvrfgfgg (sorry I spilled coffee on those letters and had to clean them off.)" 

Ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  child no I didn't!
Oh child yes, I did. I totally compared. First misstep.
And I totally under acknowledged his work woes. Second misstep.
Which translated to - no respect.
Which if you have followed any Christian marriage study at all you realize is BAD- B-A-D!

Turns out our counselor steered me to see the analogy that, get this, his work pressure was just as bad to him as my not walking was to me. Whoa. Really? Yes, really. We finally saw eye to eye that day. Thank God.

So before when I didn't want to listen about the job pressure, you mean that was not the right way? Yes, not the right way. Oops.

Now for the application.
Please take your husband's job seriously.
That stuff is a big deal. Be thankful for that job for one thing.
Be thankful he's sharing what he's going through with you and not someone or something else... I mean, if it was your kid(s) problems at school you would want to hear about that, right?

Praise God, that I got to walk and see again and now feel much, much better. John started to get more job stress though and the other day he snapped at me.

He NEVER snaps at me.

We were trying to park. Driving and hunger don't mix. That always does it, am I right people??
I have this mindset on parking: "To please always find the best, most efficient parking spot that is close the exit and entrance and oh don't park there someone will jack my photog equipment." 

 It's simple, really. Simple and paranoid. But John wasn't having it that particular lunch time and I don't blame him. So he snapped and honestly I can't even remember what he uttered. It wasn't curse words or anything but it was all tone-laden.

And here's the breakthrough: my heart hurt for my husband's.
And I instantly forgave him and thought of ways to cheer him up.
Thank you Jesus for showing me this.

God turned my heart around from the past which would have been all hating on his job (it could be any job) that makes him act this way or worse, hating on him for letting his job make him act that way to me.

But Jesus, allowed me to have empathy at that moment for my sweet husband. He just wanted to grab some lunch y'all and I was being a turd. Or maybe not, but he was having a hard day. Can you just let your hubby have a bad day for crying out loud?? I mean, they are so tough and deal with so much. John never complained about my problems listed above and the unlisted. He never complains about anything housework related. He works so hard at work and at home.

Can we just lay off our husbands a little?? Just cut them a little slack?? 

So they didn't word something in the perfect way you wanted. SO WHAT.
So they didn't get the exact type of shredded cheese at the store. SO WHAT.
So they put a cardigan under your daughter's dress. SO WHAT.

Can we just show them some lovin' everyday?? Please? 

At least they are home and they are trying.
Be like Jesus to your dude. But pray first 'cus that mess is hard.

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