Thursday, October 20, 2011

Hot Mess Story...

I'm a titch bit high maintenance...
I am dressing up for Halloween early this year as an Undead Mom. Seriously. The sickness must stop. I am about 45 min away from the doc appt where I will show them the inflamed membranes and the doc/PA will look at the meds I'm allergic to (I have a new one to add: Levaquin) she will gasp and then her schooling will come into play. I will then proceed to Targie, where I go when I'm sick and not sick, hit up my fave pharm friends, with popcorn combo already purchased and pick up said meds. I will make sure that I carry my Predisone steroids, benadryl and inhaler so when my body does react I won't get hives that will cause dermatitis again, but just a nice set of plump lips. I have to make sure I take the benadryl quickly so as not to go from Jolie lips to Platypus face. This is my life with a sinus infection. ALWAYS say yes when they offer a shot. It's like they are asking if I'd like to breathe again? YES OXYGEN NEED ME HURT FACE SNARF SNARF HELP.
WARNING: FUNNY, EMBARRASSING SITUATION ALERT!!!!!!!
And it's been fun because my body has kicked in stomach issues with this bug. There is no party in my tummy. There is a crime scene. I had to make THE MOST EMBARRASSING CALL OF MY LIFE the other day to Leelah's school and totally ruin the cred I had built with smiles, brownies and compliments with the office staff in one phone call. Now I'm on the "Diva Mom/Problem Parent" list for sure. Here is how it went:
Me, exasperated sounding: Can I pick my daughter up at 3:30 today since I am ill and cannot wait in the carpool line?
Office Friend: Well we'd prefer if you just pick her up in the car rider line. It goes pretty fast.
UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE. I have to choose to live a lie or tell the Gosh-honest-this-is-who-I-really-am spastic, low brow and hot mess.... Here goes:
Me: I'm frequenting the bathroom....
YES, I SAID THAT AND I HATE MYSELF BUT I HAD TO. I HAAAAAAAAAAD TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Laugh at my misfortune. Go ahead. Laugh it up. But that is the classiest way I could say that I was having unfortunate stomach troubles requiring numerous bathroom visits and a huge supply of Cottonelle Wet Ones. Come people - you know you've had this happen!!!!! If not first I hate you and secondly get your gallbladder removed and then we'll talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, better throw on some facial powder and welding mask to hide my ghoulish appearance- it's doctor appt time!

4 comments:

joyce said...

You poor thing! Hope your sickness is on the upswing. Reminds me of a story where this stranger knocks on a door asking to use the bathroom. The home owner says, "uh...no". The stranger says, "But I have diarrhea!" The stranger expects the homeowner to say, "oh, in that case, come right on in!". I think not!!! Ha!

Leigh said...

Way to go, Gillian, with being assertive! What did the Office Friend end up saying? Ha! You are awesome.

The Nichols Fam said...

she emphatically answered "Oh oh oh yes!! No problem let me work that out for you!!" Awesome. I guess you could say I went ADA on her- Americans with Diar.... Act!

Ashley S. said...

I was going to say... I bet they totally understood. And they don't think you're crazy. People get sick! Hope you're getting better!