Be careful when you pray "God's will". Make sure you mean it. Bear with me here while I get all eloquent as best as an Aggie can.
I probably should start adding to the prayer "And give me your guts to follow Your Will, Lord."
I told one of my besties today,
"I promise I'm not a drama person, but here's yet another..."
Then I immediately redacted that statement. Okay, okay, so I do get swept up in dramatic situations. But who says that's not what Jesus had in store for me and some folks? My selfish flesh (I really hate that word "flesh"- it's gross sounding) begs me to chillax. Don't speak up. Watch more T.V. I know I shouldn't (I'm just talkin' mainstream reality show manufactured drama). Take the easy path.
But in thought-walks the Holy Spirit and places the all too pertinent question: do you want to follow God's will or not? I am not meaning to say I am by any means omniscient. But here's what His Will could possibly mean for our little family: homeschooling, saying no to tests for Leelah, bucking the system(s), standing out for Jesus, posting about Jesus, "well let's pray about it now" type situations, and even thoughts of adoption. It's all to be talked and prayed diligently with God and John of course. OF COURSE. And I do totally cave into the T.V. trap.
Now is family formation time. Where we begin as we hope to end. Setting our family up for success in God's eyes. Not man's. And I cannot lie to you, I feel the pressure. But then immediately send it up in bank-chute-tube fashion to the Man in Charge. I can't let it get me down. You can't either.
SO here's the heavy topics that have come our way. But I'd like to pose to you that while it may seem slightly precarious God's got it figured out already!
Homeschooling. Yeah we're doing it. For preschool. God be with us. Leelah's read her first word already "D-O-G" MOMMY I READ DOG IN MY BOOK (Hop on Pop or 1 Fish, 2 fish...)!!?!!! Now wait. Do not hate on me. I am not "Baby Booming" her with flash cards or drilling her. She wants to learn. So we're working on it. If it makes you feel any better the crazy kid was caught today sucking on a pacifier she stole from an infant. Straight up still puts everything in her mouth. So there! Can I really state what Leelah's future plans will entail? Not with full certainty. For only God knows. I can say this and that, but it's Him who has the planner. Or is it He?
Losing Family. I have several friends who have lost a parent. 2 within the past month. Both women my age. Everyday takes God-courage to re-endure what you've been through and give to a friend in need. Thank you Lord for that courage. Please, keep it comin'. When I lost my dad a year and a half ago and when I'd be accepting meals, babysitting offers, loving, hugs, etc. I would say "but I can't repay you!" It's not about that. I'm so thankful God blessed me to have friends who just gave so generously of themselves. I pray I can do that for these sweet friends.
Eyesight. Still ain't so hot, but liveable. Praying for upcoming 5th surgery on Feb.2nd. Or as I like to call it "the day the left eye becomes The Cinco". Will this fix that eye again? What is His plan for my eyes? When will the right eye quit? Will at least one eye work so I can see my family? Can I get hooked up with a Kindle robot voice to read to me? I just better if I can't read. I love to read. Does it add a day to my life to ponder these things? (my own message Bible version there...)
Leelah. They fear her immune system is whack. I say let's let the adenoidectomy do it's thang. Have you ever heard of the scientific method? No more testing! I got a puker remember!?
All these have come to pass (well eyeballs are always jacked) this month. Yay! 2010. Nice to see this year won't be boring. Man, I kind of was hoping for boring? Naaahh.........
"He will not fear bad news, his heart is steadfast trusting in the Lord." Psalm 111:7