Extracurricular Idols

There is something going on where I reside that disturbs my soul, and I'm not talking about all the burger joints opening up - can we please get some variety in Katy, TX? I am excited about Macaroni House- whatever that is! and Carrabba's! Yo, those are just down my street! I might walk there- HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAAA oh I kill me!

Let me first say what I believe to be happening is immense pressure put upon moms and dads to achieve __________ and our kids to be masters at ___________.

I know that I am not making some new insight that will be published in some journal of new insights by saying that we are pushing our kids too hard.

I'm blown away at the overinvolvement of sports/extras here. Particularly at "Clubs" and "Companies" and "Pro" and "Top Tier Paying Hundreds a Month to Play Sport/Dance/Cheer Group." 

How do I bring this up without sounding biased or judgey? I pray I don't come across as such.

Let me just tell you as a one-kidder Mom, because moms with only 1 kid know so much, we pray we will not be making an idol of our child and we pray we do not make idols for our child.

I hear one way or the other all the time from girls in middle school or high school or even elementary ages:
"Cheer was my life. But then I was injured, and I didn't know what to live for."
So, is it safe to say that cheering is an idol here?

"Please pray that I will make the team! I don't know what I will do if I don't."
 SO MUCH PRESSURE. How about just be a kid and go to school and hang out with friends?
Oh wait, all those friends are playing volleyball. In a city an hour away. On Sunday.

"Oh she has to make this team, or she can't get a scholarship."
I want to understand this so much. I do. I understand that college is completely unaffordable for many.

I don't mean to pull what Jon Acuff calls a "Jesus Juke" on you guys, but doesn't God provide the scholarships ultimately?

My mindset needs to be centered on my kid's activities for why?
Don't you see moms and dads and countrymen alike, that if OUR focus is on these activities by: driving them to and fro,
skipping church on Sunday to partake in such and such tournament,
spending TONS on this and that and private this, and uniforms that,
talking about it incessantly,
forsaking schoolwork for it,
living out our dreams through them (so easy to do)
Then please tell me WHY WON'T IT BE THEIR ONLY FOCUS?!?

You have created an idol for your child unknowingly. And it's so easy to do.

Let's say God in His infinite and incomprehensible wisdom decides it would be best for your child to:
Not make the team.
Not win that game.
Miss the practice because of illness or car trouble.
Be on JV instead of Varsity.
Not have the money to pay for such and such.
Allow your child to suffer injury as a building lesson.

What happens then? The idol/focus/centering dissolves and crumbles and so does your child's worth/focus/centering. It was never meant to support your child in the first place.

You might be tempted to label me an athlete-hater. Wrong. I'm crazy competitive and go for blood. I love a good game with two equally matched teams. I love to watch someone who has honed their skills to a mastery level achieve honor and be humble about it. That's a thing of beauty.

I watched Rudy at least twice a week at aTm as a source of fuel and encouragement.

Let me propose to you:

What if your kid is meant to be a walk-on?

Don't you think that God can handle that?

Why the extreme emphasis on the activities? I'm saying extreme.

I think team sports and individual sports are amazingly good and so great for teaching life lessons.

 Yeah, I played soccer and got playing time, but I shouldn't have. I totally sucked! I was a forward and never scored a goal. I should've played defense. But whatever, I learned to keep trying and I'm thankful for that as embarrassing as that was.

I used to take English riding lessons and show and got bucked off my horse in the middle of a show. I literally (That's using the term correctly you see...) had to get back on the horse to complete the mission.

Maybe God has placed you on your team to, I don't know, be a witness to others? Awesome. Do that.

Can we let His glorification be the focus and not our child's or own? And can we please bring fun back???

There are some true legends out there that were born to play. Born to entertain. Who do you think made them that way? You guessed it. THE Creator and Coach.

If you haven't watched the classic film, Chariots of Fire, I highly recommend it.

Watch it to see what a true Christian athlete is. Uncompromising and not of the world.

This mindset could be carried on to so many levels. I'm only a photographer because that is just one way that God chooses to work through me as to glorify Him. You wanna talk about competition? Pish posh! Rubbish.

God brings my clients and leads and I just do what He's told me to do.

Your job? That's the team that God put you on.Why don't you challenge yourself to see your workplace as a team that God selected you to be on and find out who needs to see Jesus today. That's what a true champion does.

Honestly, in our souls I think we know we are of value (To God) but we get it twisted and place that value on accolades and awards. I think our hearts hunger for those awards, medals, ribbons and trophies.

To teach our kids about the unseen awards, plaques, trophies and ribbons has become my goal in life. To show my child how to have true Kingdom focus.

Talking to Our Six Year Old About Purity...

Yep. It's come to this. Today's the day. Let's talk about six.

We are going to tell Leelah all about how if God desires for her to be married, that He has the dude already picked out and golly bum willikers, he's where it's at because he's being prayed for already and he loves Jesus.
To quote my precious neighbor who said it beautifully to her 3rd grader:
"If he doesn't love Jesus, he doesn't love you!"
Does this boggle your mind that we are even touching the subject of our 6 yr old's future husband? Hey guess what.
The world is way ahead of us on this. They're already forecasting your daughter's future: "good time", "boyfriend", "girlfriend", the unattainable "soulmate", "best friend with benefits"- heck just have them stand in front of a Redbox for 5 minutes!!!, and their "last Friday night."

Why it's time:
As a photographer (thank you Jesus for healing my sight so that I can be!!!), I take photos of all sorts of beautiful people. To me, everyone I shoot is beautiful because they are created by a God who oozes with creativity and doesn't make mistakes.

Truly, truly I say to you that I love people and taking their portrait to display their beauty is something so special to me that I tear up as I write this. That is no joke.

This past weekend, I got to snap some shots for an actor.

 My daughter (she's 6 did I mention?) happened to note (while dropping her fake ice cream cone) that she "really liked his face." She then proceeded to mention, "When will I see him again?"

She is 6- turning 7 soon, but still, 6. And he attends high school.

Sidenote: Please forgive my punctuation mistakes and grammar 'ssues. I placed out of English. There's a lot of ", -, and ()'s in here and that is not my "wheelhouse!"

The Battle is On to Win Your Girl's Heart, Mind and Focus:
Have you taken a spin in Claire's or Justice or Walmart lately?
Do you not see the amount of Beiber shirts, posters, One direction, whoever's hot right now, all at eye level and marketed to our tiny girls? And have you seen anything remotely like that for boys? No. But they have their own set of challenges, which I can't even touch as a girl-mom.


WAKE UP!

You might not understand or want to fathom that sex is selling to 6 yr olds, but it is.
And you might laugh when your daughter comes home and says "So and so has a boyfriend! *tee hee hee*" But you need to realize if you haven't already, that this is all setting the stage for her future in the arena of: dating, marriage, and waiting. 

As Christian parental units, we need to be praying for God to reveal and then casting God's vision for them and forming their minds- "training them the way they should go" to see that God's plan is so much greater than our theirs or even our own plan for them as parents!!!

We purposely don't have cable and don't watch live broadcasts of local TV because the ads are just disgusting. It's a very blurry line we tow between not over-sheltering her in a prayer closet a la Carrie's mom and not playing HBO in the background of our life. There's a whole mess of stuff in between.

But that's where prayer and seeking God in His Word comes in- SO YOU CAN SEE THE LINE and see the battle that's already being waged for her heart!!!

Even with our hawk-eye, laser-beam focus and all the lessons and all the pumping up we do of substituting the world's trash with God's treasures, Leelah still has eyes to see the beauty that God has made. As well, she should.

 But what she does with this is how we pray and hope to cast a vision for her. 

She has a little mind working overtime to process what she sees and hears at school. And John and I will be darned if we let the fallen world tell her what to do with all that.

Our hope is to attack the boy-crazy-mindset before it even begins. Not so much to talk about sexual purity at this stage, but to cast a vision for our daughter so she can have her sights set on God's plan for her as opposed to the flashing candy the world is shoving down her throat.

Why wait if you don't know what or whom you are waiting for? Am I right?

Let's set this up, Disneyworld style. Hey, I've waited in those lines as a kid for upwards of 2 hours. And it was worth every. stinkin. minute.


The Purity Plan. 
Tonight we are going to be prayed up. My husband and I are going to put on homemade, king and queen crowns. I will do my best to have some sort of special dinner made (and or purchased...).

With an invitation to come join us for a Royal Dinner awaiting for her when I pick her up from school, she will also receive a Princess crown and yes, we will let her bring her sword. She's hardcore like that. She caught a lizard yesterday and it bit the fooey out of her. So yes, this plan could work for a tomboy.

We will sit with fancyfied TV trays (We typcially only sit at the table as a fam) and watch as a family, the King and Queen's wedding video (thanks Uncle Ken!). Leelah's never seen this before. I know I will be bawling like a psycho when I see my dad (who's in Heaven) walk me down the aisle.

We will explain that this is what God has planned for Leelah. Do you see the vision that's being cast?

And then we will read this precious book lent to me from a precious friend:

http://www.amazon.com/Princess-Kiss-Story-Purity-Audio/dp/1593173806/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1367941798&sr=1-1&keywords=the+princess%27s+kiss

 
And then we will most likely answer a dozen questions or none at all - we never know what we are going to get with her!

And then, the key, we will pray with her. For God's Will to be done in her life and NO ONE ELSE'S.

Guys, you cannot let the world dictate to your daughter who and what her love life will be. Whatever "positive" or "negative" things you think the world can provide for her PALES IN COMPARISON to the blinding, sunshine light of truth in God's Word.
Period.

I'm not planning on talking about the deed to Leelah tonight. As I see it we are just discussing God's chosen prince for her if He decides that is the route He will have her take. Who knows, she might end up as a missionary/Dr. Dolittle type after it's all said and done!

And then, John and I will have to realize that if we are intentional in our hearts, prayers, actions, words, etc. and if she stumbles (It's a guarantee that "we all stumble.") that we know that that is also covered in God's plan of grace. However, we are praying that God would equip us to equip her to wear the right shoes so to speak so as to make that stumble a trip and not a full-out-fall.

Do you have an older daughter? Let me recommend this awesome book to you:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Young-Lady-Waiting-Developing/dp/076842657X

Vision Focus- What's the "The End" for your little girl?

Instead of our united focus being, "Well she's gonna do _____________ anyway, so let's go ahead and prepare with that end in mind..."
We are going full out in the other direction with this vision for her life based on God's Word.
How dare you parents who assume your child will do the worst!!!
I don't like to shame anyone here. God doesn't use shame. But seriously. You can do better than this! I'm talking to you FDA for making the Plan B drug OTC. And I better stop the ranting as I feel my heartbeat in my throat over that.

Focus on the Do's: 
Instead of focusing on the don'ts right now - which are actually for life saving and not fun stopping- we are going to focus on the do's.
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.- Jer. 29:11
"Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be."- Matt 6:21
¹² Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.- 1 Tim. 4:12

Have you Given Up?
Do you complain and lament as the lost innocence of girls today, but do nothing to counter that? You can. It's not too late. Please. Let's all unite on this and take our girls back. 

Check out this phenomenal resource list compiled by Kristen over at We Are That Family to see what is out there that breathes life and hope into your daughter in the form of music, books, magazines, fashion, etc. 

My Kid is a Worry-Wart...

I worry that my kid worries.


And I just got done blabbering on yesterday about a lesson on how not to worry for the sweet group, Lovely Girls Club.


The best part of the lesson? The pointing to God's Word:
Genesis 50:20: Dr. Young (our church's pastor) calls this the "50:20 Rule"
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
And
Phillippians 4:6:
 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  

Parents, please listen to what your little girls are worried about:
I was shocked at the responses of the girls when I asked them what they were worried about (Mind you Kindergarteners through 5th graders):
-"Not having my homework in my folder and getting a mark"- my kid we are going to get to that in a moment...
-"Benchmark testing" --the 4 hr long tests that determine your public school career apparently? Don't know much about this trial yet... But this was a major worry of the girls.
-"That my mom and dad will get a divorce or separate."
-"That my friend won't like me anymore."
-Something about a brother scaring one of them like he was a robber??  
Most of the stuff they said was centered around school and relationships with family. I'm not trying to break the confidence of these sweet ones, I'm trying to share an insight into the minds of our little girls in hopes that we see what they are already apt to be entangled with. 
  
Full disclosure: I only have a 6 yr old and I only have one and so far our schooling experience has been very wonderful. To translate that into military-mom terms, my rank is probably a Private.
  Not besmirching any rank in the military as ALL RANKS ARE AWESOME. DGMS on the military and my heart for our troops!!!

So when I tell you what we are trying with our daughter, you can scoff at it and think, "Easy for her to say with her one-kidedness!" Or just stop reading altogether and grab a snack. There's no shame in that.

But even with the awesome-blossom school loving we have going on around here (We ADORE Creech Elem!), Leelah has her freakout sesshes at least 2-3 times a week about her dang homework folder and other various things.

She actually gets up out of bed and checks her folder to make sure she hasn't forgotten anything. She also has major freakouts/anxiety at school when she forgets little things like her lunchbox. Anyone feel me on this?

Like sweet teachers and front office staff (Have I said I love Creech Elem, yet?) will actually stop what they are doing and call or email me with something like this:
"Leelah was very upset today because she left her lunchbox in the cafeteria and came in my room several times crying about it. We found it and I gave her lots of love."- Or something similar to this.

I told you Creech was filled with saints!

Here is what we have found to help our child with her little anxiety bouts:
1. First off, we are not ghoulish, horrible female Disney villains that shame Leelah or yell at her for mistakes. So this whole anxiety thing is self-driven. We try our best not to ever shame her.

2. We remain calm even when she is not. That's parenting book 101 right there.

3. We realize that whatever she is freaking out about might not be a big deal to us, but totally is to her. Again, no real amazing discovery for you there.

4. We have initiated Daddy & Daughter talks every night.
Every night at bedtime, we pray together and then I go do my things and John and her have like 5-20 minutes of conversation time in her room. Leelah will not let us forget to have this time. We started this for several reasons:
-Dads or father figures are essential, critical, huge in a little girl's life. 
They are the example of Jesus. Single moms, take heart - you get to show Jesus in a mom and dad way with God's strength!!! You rock my world - do not grow weary or lose heart!
-John lets her run wild with the convo and listens. 
And you know how kids are: "What if a dinosaur ate only ice cream and lived with unicorns and I was the queen of that land called Reclenth! I'm scared of losing my coat at school and no one talks to me at recess..." She totally lets her guard down mid convo and shares her heart with a daddy that will listen. And it teaches her that daddy will always listen- just like Jesus does.
-We want her to have a husband like this someday.
That will listen and think her world is important. So if she sees John doing this, she will seek out someone who does the same to be her hubby. We don't tell her this, we just pray this will happen. It's totally a subconscious mind melding Vulcan technique.

5. The Dream Bucket. 
Got a kid that doesn't go to bed easy? A sweet, precious mom in my Moms in Touch prayer group gave me the best idea- the Dream Bucket.
You take a bucket, baggy, sack, treasure box, etc. and have either your daughter or you type up or write or draw things they absolutely love. One thing per slip of paper. You put them in the storage device and then have her pull out a slip right before she goes to bed and tell her to dream about that. It gets her focus on that instead of ___________.
Leelah LOVES this. And it has really helped put her in that frame of relaxation. Thank you my dear friend for this idea!!!

These measures have really helped our little one who has a bent towards worrying and controlling things. Got any tricks? Please comment and let me know- would love to hear!