Friday, July 3, 2015

My Facebook Fast.

Well I have been Facebook free since Monday morning when I said bon voyage! Here's to seeing more 'faces' and reading more 'books!' My hands are shaking, I'm all sweaty and twitchy, and I keep telling my family randomly aloud, "I'm 4 days off of Facebook!" JNOFB (John Not on Facebook) looks at me with slight disdain and sarcastically feigns out a yay, but I feel pretty good about it.

Here's what I have seen with the whole FB fast:
1. My house is cleaner. 
Stop. You guys need to understand it's taken me almost 11 years of applied home making to learn: my house will never be clean. So when I say, "clean" I mean I've actually had more time to consider and sometimes actually clean it. "Progress not perfection." 
What the poo is my problem anyway with keeping my house up? I have excuses, but since I used to REALLY have valid excuses: blindness, not walking-hip malfunctioning, super crazy painful endometrioblahblahblah, I guess my regular- I'm tired, I went grocery shopping AND to Target, it's bone-scathing hot outside, I'm bloated, etc. excuses don't count. 
So here's my deep dark excuse for my house imperfection: 
HBO. I watched "Sleeping with the Enemy" at waaaaay too early of an age and it freaked me out. Therefore, my house will not be perfect. Ever. Moving on. 

2. I do things my kids want and actually fulfill promises. 
Not perfectly- again see above- but this week the Leelahnator was wanting (FINALLY) a Jedi costume-- okay, okay, she wanted a sith costume- so we went to Hobby Lobby bought some remnant black fleece fab and I actually sewed one up. It's the biggest lint trapper ever on record, but she was so jazzed she told friends at the park, "My mom is off of Facebook and made me a Jedi Knight costume!" Wow. 
Kids. Always throwin' parents under the Metro. Thanks Kid. 

3. I have had a 10% increase in happiness from not seeing people's vacay posts. 
Look I'm not a hater I promise. I'm so very glad for my friends and I'm not a Grumpy Cat about your trip to see {insert exotic locale with non-flesh eating bacteria filled waters- Galveston- get it together- You so narsty!!!!!}. Truly wish you the best on your holiday, but this is our year when med expenses for our precious dear heart and little tummy exploder, Anners, has hit us big time. So we are sans vacays for now and that's great! I mean, I just took off my braces 20 months early so we could afford my eldest's ortho treatment and my youngest's tummy grumble issues and the a/c----- 

THAT. A. C. Y'ALL SO HELP ME. Sidejaunt #2. 
We live in an 80's home. For the love of Benji himself. We knew that going into it. Living in Katy you really have no say almost in where you will live. You take what you get and you don't throw a fit! Or you build your own home if your last name rhymes with Broccollefeller. I love our new home. I do. It's so great. Sidetrack in a sidejaunt: It has tile stairs that may or may not be up to code according to our inspector. Tile. Stairs. Sink it in hence the interrupting period punctuation. TILE. STAIRS. Kill me stairs. -- back to the other sidejaunt-- as I was typing that John just hit himself walking down said, "killstairs." But we are saving for an a/c right now because it keeps pulling crap- can I say that on Television? (cue green slime on head!)

and we know the time for a new unit, it's a comin.

(I'm going to have a moment later when I'm second guessing the above a/c purchase rant when I think about all those who live without a/c in places that are 1,000 degrees and hate myself. But I grew up here in Houston with a/c so my body is conditioned to this. You understand.)

So back to #3. It's nice just not comparing myself to everyone and everything I see on there. Oh I will be back on to see my fam, blah blah. Wait, I just said what I hate: 
"I'm on facebook to see my family!" I promise! 
Yeah, it is true for me. I love seeing my family. My family can post whatever they want and I'm all hand claps and high fives!!!! I do, but letsbehonest we all go on there to see what the haps is! 

4. I don't have as much to say about other people so I have to actually practice listening now. 
Okay, that sounds awful and it kind of is. Listening is not my best skill. Not at all. God is really working on me in this area to make it my jam. I did listen before, I did! And I wasn't a full out gossip when I say talk about other people. I guess I don't have as much as what JNOFB calls, a "hive-mind" now that I'm off of FB. So in that sense, I am on a vacay!!!

JNOFB is so above me in all this Facebook foolery. But JNOFB also treats Linked In like his own private FB so.... yeahhh.... 

But I miss: 
People being funny. If you are funny or if you have an amazing life/mom hack/book rec/movie rec and most importantly: you know a good local restaurant- then I'm allboutthat!!!!!!!!  
It's like Karaoke: Only get up there if a). You got skillz. Like an 8 octave range and can hit the "whistle register." - This will never be me. b). You are funny and are unembarrassable. 
When people post anything about cheese or pizza or tacos or queso.
I miss family/friends good things. FB is a great source for good news. 
I miss messages I get from friends considering adoption or Lovely Girls Club.
I love seeing people post about Jesus. Especially people that didn't post about Him before. 

So yeah I say this not that I'm pretentious enough to think anyone cares, but
UPDATE: I did post this to FB and spoke of irony, but I clicked share and immediately got off. Didn't even see a notification!!!

UPDATE ALSO: Did you know that when Master Facebook senses you have not been on for a day you get an email recap!??!!?! Crazy. I just straight delete that foolishness.

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