Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Dropping off an Only-Child on First Day.

Here's my first day routine of dropping of an Only Child. It's y'all too out there, come on you know it is! Warning: rambling thought process of an insane mom trying to do her best.

Force John to go into work late so he can get in on this spectacle- I mean, memory.

Yell out random and unnecessary cheerful things while Leelah is getting ready for school like, "You're the best at brushing!" or "What a day it will be!" or "First Grade Rocks!"Also making sure to say my safe word: okay about once every second. "It's okay. It's okay. It's okay." Someone called me out on this the other day... Again, safe words.

I must keep smiling and talking at all times so as to not realize the loneliness that is besieging my heart hole. It's okay.

Have some elaborate breakfast to show I care and possibly remind her that I'm the best mom ever made ever. We went to Starbucks yesterday to pick up something I learned about called a "coffee traveler" because we can't just have whatever brand coffee at a Tears and Cheers event! So Leelah got to have her "morning bun" and John and I got jacked up on scones and various flavored mocha drinks.

Head to school mega-early to have the Asst. Principal question your sanity and leave you outside while you're holding 6+ bags and think to yourself: "Self, we should have told the office that we are doing this Tears and Cheers thing. Oh and way to annoy the staff on the first day!" Oh well it's okay, thankfully I rounded up the sweetest neighbor friend to do this VIPS thing with me.

 Wait. Stop. I need to make sure kid is still okay and happy and satisfied at all times and knows that I love her more than anything. Idol much?

Call the office while smiling and saying something to the neighbor and her husband and my husband like, "Oh I guess I should have told them. It's okay they will let us in."

Finally, enter in the school. I'm pretty sure our kids are the 1st and 2nd to school on the 1st Day of School.

Guess who's sweating profusely in an outfit I cleverly put together to fool Autumn into beginning in August in Texas!!! It's okay.

Drop the kid off. I'm dropping my only-child off for First Grade. Have I made sure to tell her how special she is to us, but at the same time not over-inflate her ego so she can still handle failure? Check.

Walk in with husband- wait. Stop. Train to happytown needs to back up. Forgot teacher's gift in bag. Husband must return to library of sweat drippings from Tears and Cheers set up. Must get gift. Everything good must happen at the same time I imagined or meltdown will ensue.

Yay! Trains back on track!!! Hi Teacher. Eyes meet. Please have favor on my sweet kid. She's an Only. She needs this to work out. God needs her here, right? You seem awesome.

Oh this is when I leave? What? Oh it's okay.
I will just go. Then. Wait! Picture with the teach! Must happen so I can absorb every memory possible and then post it to FB for truancy  police to know I sent my kid to school.

Kid. LOOK AT ME! I do this for a second living and I can't get my kid to stare at the camera!?!?!?!?!!!!! I love you Leelah. You are great. "Fearfully and wonderfully made" tra la la it's okay.

Teacher has started them on an assignment. Turn to look at khaki-clad husband. I guess. We. Go. Now. I'm not weird Teach, I promise. I'm not one of those...

Kiss the Only. Remember the brown eyes.

Awkwardly hold hands with husband and think of 1,000 thoughts simultaneously. Taco Bell is in there somewhere and I don't even eat there anymore.

Bye Husband. Thanks for earning a living so I can be this crazed SAHM. I love you. LET'S HAVE LUNCH I CAN'T BE ALONE I will be begging until you agree! Awesome. Vietnamese? No. Taco C? No. I'll eat anywhere, but keep making suggestions. No burgers. Okay Vietnamese then. Wait, let me change it to Rudy's so I can really eat my feelings today.

Tears and Cheers.
What THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just dropped my Only off and now I have to be nice to people!?!? Oh wait, they are an escape. Yes. It's okay

End with the fellowship. Get into car. Think hey that went okay, look in the mirror AGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BARF! Forgot makeup. NO makeup. I did my hair and forgot to fix my face. Pray silently for God to control everyone's mind to think how fresh faced I was. Yes, "fresh face" mental implantation. Perfect.

Head to Moms in Prayer International meeting. Never been, why not now? Awesome. Praying is awesome. Talk to a KSBJ dude- sure? Say something on the air? Yes! Because I'm not a basketcase or anything- I'm okay! I think I blacked out at that point.

Have lunch. Reminisce about summer. Must keep talking.

Drive home. Thank God for KSBJ, NGEN and all the upliftingness. Oh and the Only nailed the first day.
It's superheroes themed at her school. Loves it!

Second. Day. 

And what do I do now?? Well time to pull out the Bon-Bon's, put on my stretchiest pants, and begin the self loathing and turn on One Life to Live- SCHOOL'S BACK!
I don't like to do any of that.
1. I prefer salty foods.
2. If I start down that slope of stretchy pants when I do not work out, I might never come back, i.e. the year after Leelah was born. 9 months post preg. in maternity jeans was a dark time for me.
3. I loathe Soap Operas. Yes, I did use to watch them, but my mom did. They are crazy inapprop and so over the top. If I'm going for over the top I'd just as soon watch an 80's sci-fi flick. Much more entertaining.
Thank you and God bless!

1 comment:

The Box Office said...

You are too funny. I know all the Moms and Dads that came for coffee appreciated you. If you ever need the company of crazy kids during the day you can borrow mine :)