Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Stuff I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

This is a list of junk I had to figure out the hard way...

1. That turd is actually not a bad word. At least, not in my friend circles!

2. That the quietness I wanted for so long is actually going to be the thing you hate when your kid(s) go to school! Shut up quiet!

3. Don't get a Wall Street Journal subscription in college. It won't make you smarter.

4. Those frozen pies, while seemingly convenient, actually take hours to make. Why are you frozen then pies!?

5. Never wear grey on a hot day or to the gym, especially in shorts-form.

6. Having your only child go to their first day of school- easy stuff. Having your only child walk in by themselves on the 2nd-3rd day- well just rip my heart out without anesthetic why don't you?!

7. Don't do the whole coupons thing. Just give up. Driving around for deals spends your time and gas. But do keep a Bed, Bath & Beyond coupy in your glove compartment, just in case you find some amazing bra strap holder-together-er thingy.

8. That Jesus is humorous.

9. Talk about grades with your spouse prior to talking to your kids about grades. It will enlighten you to see their stance on A's and B's.... I didn't know A's and B's aren't supposed to be friends!

10. Try being friends with pretty people and not just assume, "Oh Janizabeth she's got enough friends already." Did you like that name? I did.

11. Pretty sure I didn't appreciate all those trips to Disneyworld growing up or Colorado... Now I'm happy to travel to Lowe's.

12. Don't watch HBO when you're 4-18 years old. You will be messed up in the head from watching the non-made-for-TV-version of Robocop.

13. Mushrooms can be enjoyable to eat!

14. Don't put your kid in gymnastics until you get invited to some other kid's gymnastic party. Otherwise you will pay to have your kid sit/lay down on the floor and watch everyone else. And open gym can be like a class to them- they don't need to know!!!

15. If you respect your life, NEVER go to a foam party. I know someone had a baby in that place. All kinds of narsty. NARSTY!!!

16. Sometimes it's okay to just watch Garfield and Friends on your honeymoon. It's also acceptable to fall down the stairs in your honeymoon suite while saying "GOOOOOOD MORNING" to your groom. And why not go to a bingo hall the night before you get married when you're allergic to smoke, thus causing a sinus infection so severe you cough up portugese man-o-war sized loogies in you cruise ship bathroom? I did! All of that. Too much reality for you?

And my homeslice sent me a link to this list today. It's about the same idea. I promise I was thinking of writing this post before I saw this list though. But why not laugh some more, right?


joyce said... are a "hoot"! (Mississippi slang for funny) Love ya, Momma J

Anonymous said...

A foam party? We'll have to chat about that!

The Vining Family said...

Too bad "HUSH" closed. We totally could have gotten in on one of their foam parties. HA! I read this list and I really did LAUGH OUT LOUD! Okay, so here's one to add to the list: don't eat too much rice, it just gets in the way of eating the good stuff on your plate, and you'll regret it later on.

Ashley S said...

Great list... and I love your friend's list too! I enjoyed that Bingo place though. Sorry you ended up sick from it! And I have to disagree about the coupons though. It does take some time, but if you go places when you're already out anyway, you can save a buttload of money. For realz.