Wednesday, June 9, 2010

"Flush" Gordon




Hopefully someone gets the title.

Tonight I solo-took Leelah (along with the Vining's and Berkman's) for her very FIRST SKATING TRIP at Mason Road Skating Center, aka: TweenTown U.S.A. Holy Roller Skate- that place was PACKED LIKE A SARDINE CAN with a whole mess of dance rap & Lady "Bogo" - Gaga but that's what Leelah calls her, neon-colored clothes, too-short short wearin' tweenagers. I didn't know if I was team Edward, team Jacob or team Cellulite! It boggled my mind.

Leelah did herself a bit of alright. Now we're a klutz family. We've got the bruises to prove it. All 3 of us are just one, big, accident prone mess. There were 3 main injuries tonight. Stick with me, because this. is. hilarious.

INJURY OF THE FIRST:
Took place while Leelah was just sitting waiting on me to get skates. Some Tweeny accidentally jacks L in the head while skating up the ramp with her bird-skinny arms. She was Okay though.

THE SECOND:
While in the middle of the rink- the land of the skate-walkers- Leelah fell flat with her chest on her walker. Major crying eruption. So I skate her to the bathroom. BIG MISTAKE.

THE THIRD:
Never, ever wear skates to the bathroom with a child also wearing skates. So we get in the stall so I can have a look at her and make sure we don't have to go to the ER for internal bleeding. Then I realize I have to use the facilities. At which point I tell Leelah to move ever so slightly in a stall that is no joke the size of an airplane restroom, what happens? She moves, slips and her entire right arm goes into the thankfully un-used toilet. I'm talking up to the armpit down in the hole. SCREAMFEST 2010 ENSUES. "YUCKY, YUCKY, YUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, EWW EW EWWWWW!!!!" At this point I'm laughing out of sheer terror. Tina is outside the door, like an angel protecting us. We manage to skate out, and practically bathe ourselves in the sink. Leelah was dubbed, "Leelah "The Snake" Nichols" by Cory (Tina's husband).

Priceless.

7 comments:

Tina said...

Girl, I couldn't have described that skate center any better... "Tweentown USA", too short shorts. I seriously thought we were in a rollerball competition towards the end of it all. By the way, I was the leader of Team Cellulite! And don't worry too much about Pipe Snake Leelah. One study showed that most toilets are cleaner than the ice machines in those joints. And remember, I was the one with the kid who made out with a mystery-spit encrusted water fountain at Container Store. So I win on the gross-ness factor! Ha! All that said, The Vinings had a blast!

joyce said...

I cannot stop laughing! I wish I was there to witness all the fun. By the way, my middle name is Klutz. Love ya! Momma J

Wendy said...

How fun!!!

Jo Ann Jenkins said...

Well this is hillarious but I'll have to say that I'd fit right in there with ya cause you see klutziness runs in Tina's fam - so as Aunt Jo - let me say - welcome to the family!

All joking set aside though, looks like they had a great time. Maybe a Saturday afternoon would be a better choice for those under the age of 5 and over the age of 25!

Aunt Jo

Lesly said...

I'm sorry, but totally laughing!! So funny!!

Ashley S. said...

Wow. You people have to be more careful! You shouldn't go into the bathroom at the skating rink at all, but especially with skates on. The whole sitting down without falling on your bohiney is difficult.
I took D skating the first week I watched them back when he was four and it was awful. They didn't have one of those awesome walker things! I've never seen that before!!! I ended up skating/carrying him around the rink once and ended up exhausted. We took his skates off and watched his brother skate the rest of the time. Can't wait to see you next week!

The Nichols Fam said...

Man, I'm really feeling the comment love from my Mississippi family, to my Katy pals, to my college sidemate! Thanks guys for your support of my daughter flushing herself. UPDATE: leelah was asking "Why do the lights go on and then go off and then go back on again and again Mommy?" I told her, "Because it's a party! Now skate!"