Budgeting: Battling the Shame-Monster

Today as I renewed our family's E-Meals plans and added a breakfast one to it (and no, I'm not getting anything to endorse or talk about them) I felt that yucky ol' shame-monster attack again.

Does anyone else know what I'm talking about!?
I live with this daily until I remind myself that God does not use shame at all and that that feeling is one of the enemy's fave tactics to use in getting me off track mentally.

"Therefore is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

I was told by a wise person that self, you, me can be included in "those in Christ Jesus." Give yourself grace.

SO GO SUCK ON A LEMON SHAME-MONSTER.

Update to our Debt-Free story: 
Well we became debt free (except the house) last year in either March or April (see below post as to why I'm not mentally sound in remembering things right now) and friends, we fell of the wagon just a titch.

Why? The Car.

Oh for the love of Benji and holy things, the car. It's a trap that gets families back into debt I tell you!

I was going to tell you about our urgent need for more space in a vehicle, but it grossed me out to read all the excuses so I deleted that paragraph.

 This is/was a true need.

And with my business, I had supplemented almost all of the amount needed to purchase the used vehicle we had in our sights. Praise upon praise!

Did you happen to catch the "almost all?" So we purchased the new(old) car and still had to finance about 2,000. So we are back in debt right now for $2,000. And I'm sore about it.

There were so many things that persuaded us:

•  time ticking (I think that's always the biggest trap/set up), 
• the true need for more space,
• the availability of the car we wanted (It's pretty popular around these parts which I don't like that it's popular but oh well.)
•  the low(ish) mileage
• ultimately the price. It was thousands less- like $3,000-$5,000 less than every dealership in town.

Guys, don't fall into the trap. We could have saved up money and it would have been fine. Fine.

But there comes in the shame again.

Are we going to pay this off before summer- we hope so and that's our goal!

But back to the E-Meals.

You see along this journey of living as Dave Ramsey says, "Like no one else so you can live like no one else" I have realized that there are things I am NOT skilled at that I must outsource so I will remain a for the most part: calm mom.

Disclaimer: If you are truly in $1,000's of debt- then this might not be something you can do at this point. Look at it as a challenge and attack it with everything you have got along with your spouse and pray like no tomorrow to get it conquered as a team!!!!
IF YOU ARE MARRIED YOU CANNOT DO THIS SOLO. It doesn't work. I'm so sorry. You guys have to be on the same page- a literal budget page.

I suck at planning out meals.
The worst.
Breakfast is a joke. Lunch is such a mish-mash. Dinner - oh wait, that's not thawed out....

It's just not my strong suit. I can barely cook the meals let alone plan out an entire menu. I'm not this lady!:




Or what the hay- her either:


Can I tell you how good it feels to know what you suck at so you can just take that off the "Skills to master list??"

Other things I do not shine at: 
-Gift giving. I once gave someone a pack of gum and sunglasses. And by once I mean this past December. I'm an awful person.
-Clothes shopping. It might help my darling daughter if her mother bought an actual outfit instead of a cute shirt with balloons on it. "But it's got BALLOONS on it!!!" I've really had to learn that I need to buy the entire outfit if I can or else suffer later trying to match and waste time and then start randomingly yelling at the laundry basket.
-Ironing. We budget for dry-cleaning. Why? BECAUSE THIS IS 2014 and husband's work clothes and like Sweet Brown the wise sage says, "Ain't nobody got time for that!" No really, it used to take hours. HOURS.
-My hair. Bless my heart.
I'm on medicine that makes my hair fall out and yours would too if you had a hysterectomy at 26 years old. It's not cute. My fancy shampoo I had to order comes in today. So Katy/Brookshire community get ready to see me like this!:


I guess what my friend's trying to say is (Old School ref.) that you gotta know what you can't do and make peace with that and budget for it. And then keep on budgeting when things get messed up.

It's been years since we started our bi-week budget meetings and we are STILL doing them and we just learned that we need to keep the budget out to make changes when things come up. Y'all we just learned this!!!!!!!!

Like with the buffer amount. Dave Ramsey recommends a zero-balance budget sheet. And we do not do this. We are going off-canon from this because the buffer is there for all the "school fundraisers-spirit-night-tshirt-random-crud" things that happen in 2 weeks.

Beware of the false-sense of security of the buffer- keep a tally on that mess!!!!

I thought these might help a person out who is needing to know a little more about budgeting and the ins and outs and the stuff no one really talks about. Godspeed on your journey! And NO CREDIT CARDS!!!! (We have 1 that we have our ez-tag for our toll road usage and that is it- but we need to change it to just withdraw from our bank acct.!)

Most importantly: Grace.

Good Grief

I'm going to be brazen and say it, "I'm 30 and I have had a hysterectomy." Did I get rid of all the male readers yet? No? Still some left? Well, you are brave and mighty. What's that? You're my husband- the only man that would keep reading this because you live it? I love you John.

I'm learning that Grief is Good. No, not greed, I said grief!
Lately, I've been emotionally punched in the face by the fact that I can no longer have kids.
It all started this past week with a dental hygeneist's comments to me while I was basically drooling and incapacitated with my mouth fixed open. "I can't imagine having to have a hysterectomy at such a young age. That must be devestating." Whoa lady. You are already scraping all up on my teeth, but you got a little bit of my heart in there too. GEESH.

Due to EXTREME (neon-colors!!) Endometriosis when I was 26, I had to have 1 laproscopic (scrape off) procedure. Then it grew back in 2 weeks. At this time, my sweet doc looked at me and started me down the road of maybe we should just take care of this. We took out the ut (pronounced: "yout" it's a medical term). Then guess what, it came back in 2 weeks again. Then we took out the ov's next.

Why, you ask, did we make this decision instead of sticking with it to pop out more kids (I do have one miracle from the Lord, Leelah-praise!)? There were several reasons:
1. Insane pain in all my membranes. I could not stand up straight. Daily it was awful. I had a 13month old at the time and I could not take care of her.
2. The pregnancy I had with Leelah was rooough. To quote my ob my delivery was "one of the worst deliveries in 25 yrs of his practice". An intern saw it and did NOT come back to the L&D dept. Any expecting ladies out there, I am so sorry if I have alarmed you. Listen up, I'm a freakazoid 2000 and I do not follow suit medically. DO NOT BE AFRAID!!! Really, you are going to do fine!

So now what. Well, until I went to see my counselor- doy, come on you gotta know I go see one: jacked up crazy medical sagas every day, loss of parent, etc., etc., I didn't even realize that I was supposed to grieve something like that. She politely interrupted me to tell me that I had "piggybacked grief".

So now I'm grieving what I should have grieved almost 4 years ago and it's hard. As a wonderful lady advised me, don't worry about trying to be a witness to the world about this. Sometimes you are doing great if you just get out of bed in the morning. Thank God for that advice.

What has helped me grieve this?
1. Seeking wise counsel. Go do it! Throw that stigma in the trash.
2. Crying in front of your kid- it's okay. They need to see you process sadness or else how will they, right?
3. Know your triggers: avoid or guard up when around them. There are well-intentioned, friendly enough people out there that just don't get it. They will say stupid stuff. Yeah, I said stupid. Know what you are going up against if you are stepping out of your bubble. For instance, going to a High School Reunion where people have no clue what you've been through or to your workplace. Pray for grace. You get to practice a lot -and remember that!!! Oh I see Janey Know-Nothing today, so God won't you please give me grace with her? Or bad hearing at least!
Maybe even set a little boundary with that person: "I really don't feel comfortable talking about this dental hygeneist lady!!"
4. Having friends who have "the filter". People that have dealt with similar situations. YOU CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE. No way. Ain't happening. If you feel isolated, that's straight up the enemy, Satan.

I've got to be honest and share that when people complain about having a lot of kids or the kids they have, that is my soul kryptonite. I can't hang. True, I don't understand what it's like to have enough kids to be considered as your own day care. I'm sure I'd be an even hotter mess if I did! God knows what He is doing with me. But this is my trigger that God is working through and I'm thankful for the wisdom He's given me to realize that.

And Grief is Good. Because before it was just denial and ignorance. Soon after grief will come joy and maturity.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:2-5