Tuesday, March 1, 2016

School's Out For--ever!

My past in not my child's future. I tell myself this when I forget and get crazy in the head.

These are the pictures in our hallway that mean the world to me. They show my girl growing up. They're all her yearbook pics.

To me they show courage.
Courage in a girl that has had to change schools no less than 4 times. Something I very much dislike. Something I did as a kid and still want to run in a bathroom and cry about and eat my feelings for!

We rationalize the changing of the schools: needing another room (we thought it was a need it was actually a want) so we could adopt. Then the taxes were too high and so we jetted. Then tuition costs went up and we were outty 5,000 from there too.

And now just last week, we get an email with a bulleted list from her current school- with the second bullet point lamenting the school's closure next year due to economic reasons.

John and I certainly never ever and prayed for this- the school instability. But here it is and this time it has taken us completely aback.

But we just have this peace. And I just gotta remember that my past will not be her future.

Sometimes the things we get so worked up about- don't happen- and sometimes that worked uppedness causes more strife than the thing we were worried about that didn't happen.

And our girls are watching. Well one is anyway. The other one is busy going all Mad Max Fury Road on our living room area. My huszzbbs and I liked that movie before it won stuff btw!

L is watching and seeing how are we going to react? And let me tell you first. I was just shocked. Then I was at peace.
Then a titch of ugliness came in to my heart and I have emails typed up that are not sent to the Board who thinks we are expendable (Uh- oh, see?).
Then I wanted to persuade others to "JOIN THE REVOLUTION!" and go all Les Mis on everyone!! And now, it's back to peace. -- because of prayer.

And Leelah is watching. Always watching. Pressure, but no pressure.

Since I was quasi-homeschooling L anyway, we are leaning towards the full enchilada homeschool method for next year. Never say you won't do something. God has you turn around and do it usually for His glory. And in His strength.

I know very little about homeschooling. And I pray that God would be her teacher, because I'm so not worthy of this title or calling. We are just not doing public school. Been there, done that. Maybe it will work for A, but for L it was a no.

Can I be honest? I'm very intimidated of Homeschool Moms. Now, I know the SWEETEST HS moms in the world!!! But golly dang bum wilikers- they BE smart!!!!!!!!


And me, well I still carry around GPA guilt baggage...

But again, God is her teacher. In His strength.

We are just so thankful our courageous lion heart is taking it so well. Although it is hard to send her back to this closing down school where it feels as though everyone is moving on to the original (and in some ways viewed- prized location) and we are not. One reason we can't go is because we physically can't. Mom's ol' "special eyes" cannot make the early morning (dark) drives due to all the surgeries. Waaahh whine woeism!

But hey, didn't God give me my eyes that are prone to googly-fy? Silly of me to think that my eyes being the reason I can't get her there is just a physical limitation when they are actually a blessing. It is all according to His plans. He had this - what I might see as setback- a physical limitation - actually be a boundary preventing her from going to a place He did not want her to go. Good lookin' out God!
We always pray He will make the decisions easy. So He did.

So we tell Leelah though your schools have changed and we pray they won't again and to never forget for this instance and for all of life's curveballs-
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.- Heb. 13:8

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