Do you ever just say something that in your mind is a solid joke, but when it leaves the safety zone of your mouthwalls it's just weirdness laced with coffee-breath?
This awkwardness used to happen a lot to me, and you'd think I'd learn and not say anymore jokes. No. I just kept (and still keep on) on saying them and then I feel the immediate after effects of: getting hot-faced, sheepish and sweaty.
Today the feeling of self-awkwardness said hello again... I attempted a joke and then POW! SPLAT! KADORF! the inner thought/disdain popped up in my mind to wreak havoc again, complete with: "Way to go Gillian, way to not make sense and you're sucha weirdo dorkface head. You are awkward!"
But then an awesome thing transpired in my brain, I heard myself thinking:
"Hold up. I'm completely forgiven and fully accepted by Christ. Stop the self-trashing. God's got my reputation and He loves me. I'm not an idiot, and plus, I do NOT know what the other person is thinking!!"
Freedom from self-loathing. Thank you Jesus.
Are you super self-critical so much that you don't even notice it- okay if you don't notice it then how can you answer yes to that question? Let me rephrase, do you constantly have that awkward feeling before, during and after social interactions and feel unworthy?
STOP IT. YOU ARE A PRECIOUS CREATION OF THE LORD! Girl, (Dude?) you need some truth cards.
These cards have been an excellent source of comfort for me in times of awkwardness and shame. I received them from my counselor. I pray they serve you well! Go ahead and print them on cardstock and keep them in your purse. Know the Truth!