Tuesday, February 21, 2012

How to Disagree with Your Husband

Well that got yer attention, didn't it!!!
Sidenote, my daughter says "fir" when she means to say "for" and it makes me laugh. Sometimes she sounds like genuine Carny Folk.

Look. There are somethings in life that John and I don't laugh through or agree on. There are places that make us downright fight. A quasi-silent, not in front of Leelah, and yet heated fight. But just enough for her to go "Guys, GUYS! We love each other!"
Those places are the following:
1. Ikea. John HATES it. He hates the quality. The maze. The non-traditional. Everything I love about it, he loathes pretty much. So for fun on a Saturday I will throw out, "Oh and we need to make a quick stop at Ikea..." Just to see his internal anguish happen in his face and see his jaw clench with inner rage. Hilarious.

2. Walmart. See above. Although, I also do not like shopping here. I don't. Can I get any other lowish-vision folks out there to second me on this- IT'S HARD TO SEE IN WALMART!?!?!! I don't know what it is, but it gives me fuzzy eyes. Seriously.

3. Memorial City Mall. He won't do it. Just won't. It's like when he thinks of MCM, it reminds him of the crowds he saw there during the Christmas shopping and he panics and that's all he thinks about even if it's April. I don't know why the Galleria makes it okay for him, but it does. Perhaps the lego store or Tourneau softens the blow of having to wade through the people sea?

There are some other heavy hitting subjects that our hearts diverge on. I would like to not disclose that stuff, i.e. blast it on the www, but it's pretty major. I mean, we both are politically on the same page and both agree that Applebee's is basically frozen dinner food, so we are good on those major points. But this one particular thing that I felt God was like:
John was like:
Say do what!???!! You can't see well enough, excuse, different opinion. No. And no.

Now. Ephesians tells me to do the s-word. So I do it. Yes, I'm one of those kooks that believes that the husband is the head of the family and that I should follow his lead for our family. God willing, I try to abide in His Word on this. I, however, will pick the eatery. It's my gift. But you see where I'm going with this-
HARD. It's hard.

Here I have what I believe to be is a direct message from the Lord. But wait, John's not on the same page. And we are talking for like over a year here. What does that mean? WAIT.
I blogged about my waiting experience in a post called, While You Wait.
And for a long time, this comforted me the fact that I was waiting on the Lord and NOT on my husband. It also let him off the hook.

But do you know what had the hardest time waiting- my mouth!!!! My words. I still tried to persuade with my words to get what I wanted or I believed should happen. And people, that's wrong. So I had to shut up. Since we have a little one, I don't get to use that phrase, so let me just say it again: SHUT UP.

Stop talking.
Stop hinting.
Stop nagging.
Don't go there. Leave the room. Smile. Bring up something else. DON'T SAY ANYTHING. Or if you have not already stated how you feel about something- JUST SAY IT ONCE and then drop it like it's hot.

God told me phase 2 of the waiting process: Say it one time and then BE QUIET! If you nag, I (God) can't work. Get that?

Let's just say that you are a better persuader than I am and your words did the trick with your husband and bam, you got what you were going on about. Well, great. You might have gotten what you wanted, but guess what else you might have gotten: resentment from him. That's not worth it. It's not. Whatever you wanted is not worth the resentment, plus you didn't let God do it (only He can handle it best) and for Him to get the glory. That's the better option FYI, doy. You're just like those chicks in the Bible that wanted a kid, couldn't have one, had their husband hook up with a maid to get a kid, and then yuckness- DRAMA!!!!

Another bonus of un-harping, the fun has come back. The fun was chased away with my sour/coy talks. Even if I was coming at it from a positive P.O.V., it was still unnatural and forced, thus un-fun.

Sometimes I lapse. I have a pretty big mouth. Lot of opinions. But for the most part, this decision has made for a happier home environment and happier hearts too. Lot of all caps happening here, which means I'm PASSIONATE about this!


Crissy said...

I really like this, "JUST SAY IT ONCE and then drop it like it's hot." Thank you for posting this. P.S. I'm allll about the S-Word.

The Nichols Fam said...

Thanks Crissy! I know full well how tough this subject is!