Overwhelmed but Upheld

If you ever want to feel overwhelmed I have 2 suggestions.
1. Ask for someone to purchase a gift certificate for you to Charming Charlie. It's a perfectly precious store, but here's the deal I never get to go shop there for budget or kid-with-crazy-hands reasons and when I do shop there I want it all at once. I'm a color-lover so that doesn't help either.
and
2. Try to start up a faith-based, service organization for little girls.

So last post was all about the passion in my heart for the beginnings of a club where we take our little girls back from the world's sickness and set them out to be lights among the darkness. Thank you to all that are praying for this. As you can imagine, Satan is not a fan of our club and there are attacks that I didn't plan for. I'm basically Miss Naive 2012.
For instance, I will sign up for groups filled with women (not church stuff) and go, "Oh there's drama involved here? That's odd." No, Gillian. You are odd and quite possibly a little on the dumb side.

God is teaching me to be a little more bold, but it's super uncomfortable. I'd much rather just complain about girls wearing booty shorts in the Redbox line, than try to minister (God willing) to them.

Everyday I think, God please please choose someone else, aren't I due for another eye surgery to take me out of commission or something!? Speaking of, my right eye is all irritatedlyish today. I also think, but God I'm in counseling and I haven't read the Bible completely and I have only one child and I'm tired and how I really just don't want to be all out there and
 I'M NOT WORTHY.

But then I think about how I couldn't see to read my Bible. How I couldn't see to cook and accidentally burned my arm from misjudging the oven. How I was all Driving Miss Crazy being chauffeured by the best friends on Earth. How people would deliver me meals after surgeries. How I had to be pushed in a wheelchair and use a shower chair and how I lived in constant pain.

And then I realized, I was fortunate enough to have that pain- mental and physical- be healed. God gave me my legs and eyes back. Now, I must use them for good. For His purposes.

And then I hear Leelah say, "Mommy, when is that club going to start again where we do nice things for people?" and then, "And will there be snacks?"

"Fall, sweet baby. And yes, there will be snacks."

And people ask me all the time about adoption. "So are you going to adopt soon?"
Here's the deal on that. In my heart I fully believe that God has another child for our family.
Leelah constantly asks about having a brother and or a sister. In fact, the other day we were transporting a precious little girl who's a member of a multi-kid fam.
She asked Leelah, "Are you the only one?"
Leelah, "Well, yeah. But I have a dog, a dead fish, (trailed off...)"
You can imagine the death look I gave John that I shouldn't have followed by: "Did you hear that John, a dead fish? Leelah has a dead fish for a sister or brother. Sweet. That's awesome."

The answer is - not yet or no. I had a CryDown- half crying/half shrieking like some ring-tailed lemur out in our church courtyard the other day when the pastor was talking about complacency and Christians not stepping up. SOMETHING I ABHOR!!!! And he even told a story about a couple who adopted, etc etc. Well, that started the aforementioned CryDown and I just could not stop sobbing the whole day.

My friends rallied and prayed with me and gave me hugs (they are the best!) and I sought out with John one of our pastors and here's what he told us.

Pastor to me (who's bawling uncontrollably): "Do you believe he's a godly man? (speaking of John)"
Me: Through Tears/snot: "YEEHSHSHHHH"
Pastor: "Do you believe he is trying to live in God's will?"
Me: Ditto above
Pastor: "Then you have to wait and listen to God speak through him."
Me: "Bokay" (more crying)
So I will wait upon the Lord. 

So there's what's going on in our world. Oh and we got our bathrooms remodeled and that was a blessing for another post.