People DisPleasing

Okay people, I'm coming clean today. Letting the cats out of the bag even though I hate cats and they should probably stay in there longer. Except kitties. I love kittens.

 As I finish up my breakfast toast (sounds way cooler when you add "breakfast" in front, right?), I would like to open up a dialogue on: People Pleasing.

Hey, I have a great idea, why don't you take one person (let's call her Nillian) who deals with people pleasing issues, and have her start up a club for little girls with a leadership team of women and go out and serve the Lord. Sounds like a completely fool-proof plan, right? Except for the huge glaring part: "people pleasing issues." And maybe you didn't catch the part where I said, "little girls." I.e. they have parents. So Nillian is going to be, God-willing, ministering to kids.

I don't know about you mamas out there, but if something just a titch off happens to my cub then heck with Mama Bear- I wanna go full on Chimp-Crazy-Mom on someone starting with eye gouging! Nillian better watch out!

People pleasing.
Group of girls.
Women.
Talkin' 'bout Jesus.
Fancy gold medallions.

Look, this is not a WOE IS MEEEE WAH WAH WAH post. It could be, remember, I have that eye disease- insert pity here please- but it shouldn't be. God has called me (Maybe for laughs in Heaven?) to love on His sweet princesses. And I LOVE it. I LOVE them. Seriously, I have like 65 little daughters now. Not legally, but spiritually.

To please people sounds good, but only in terms of "sounding." Putting that into practical terms makes it impossible. I knew this. I know this. But I am learning it hardcore now.

It's so easy to say, "You can't please everyone." But in my mind, I think I'm not trying to please everyone so that's not my issue.

That's where I'm wrong most days. I try to please: Husband, Daughter, Best Friends, Neighbors, HEB Employees, Seekers, Mom, Father-in-Love, Relatives, Chick-fil-a Employee, Church Ladies, John's Friends, My Dog, All of Leelah's school, etc. etc.

Guess who I actually please out of that bunch most likely? No one.
Well, except maybe the Chick-fil-a employee, they're always happy it's their job. 

So let me actually realize a point here- there are people out there who have hated on me in recent times. Straight up: unfriending, unliking, and being narsty. Even people I love dearly as well as people that don't know me from a taco sandwich. Oh wow, Nillian is so perscuted! And I know I'm not a Voice of the Matyr (which is so serious, not funny, and is true persecution).

I have been quietly struggling with why God would choose someone who deals with wanting to control others' perceptions about me (what people pleasing really is). The answer I get back is a verse that is repeated to my heart several times a day.

"For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10.

I'm not being fake really. I love people, I'm so sanguine it's not even funny.

san·guine

[sang-gwin] 

adjective

1.

cheerfully optimistic, hopeful, or confident: a sanguine disposition; sanguine expectations.

My smiles and comments are genuine I pray.  

It's when I get those emails, comments, unspokenities, etc.that really smart my heart- that's when I realize that I'm still striving to please men- forget it just women mostly. 

God has told me what to do. I have a mission. Blues Brothers anyone? Nillian is doing her dang best. 

I need to revisit my truth cards. 

For anyone who thinks they might struggle with this, can I recommend a book? 

Well okay 3 books? 

1. Bible, doy. This is truly the only book you really need. 

2. Boundaries- Dr. Townsend and Cloud- life changer.

3. When Pleasing You is Killing Me - http://www.amazon.com/When-Pleasing-You-Is-Killing/dp/0805444890

Other people, even people I love so dearly, should not have the power to ruin my day or my mission. 

Something else I LOVE is this guy's 100 Days of Rejection Therapy Blog- 

I've only seen a few days or so- if there is something shady on there then I didn't know. But he does state that he is doing 100 days of going out and making crazy requests to get no's to remedy his fear of rejection. I love this idea. Especially day 3 - if that is all you watch then you will be blessed. 

Thanks for reading. :) If you were displeased in reading this, then that is your issue. And it's Nillian's fault!

 

Genes are OUTRAGEOUS!

Whoa. Does anyone know what happened to the last 3 or 4 weeks, a little over a fortnight or perhaps 2 fortnights of time?!?!?!

Maybe it's called October, but I'd like to call it "Eventgeddon" where everything happens at once and you love it.... Or else!

Things been happenin'. Like Halloween, oh I mean, Harvest time.

Yeah, I ended up framing that second one. I love my kid's face. And shouldn't I?

But what you didn't see- her getting her peacock feathers stuck in a playset on the playground...

We're hilarious like that I guess.

Oh and then there's the fair- which I already posted about.

I just used my "mom spit" to get rid of smears on my computer monitor screen. Awesome.

Hey, so I don't know if I told you or not, but this gal got genetic testing done. Again.

Last time, it was fruitless. This time, it's personal. So when I went to Mayo- 2 years ago in November- thanks my dear sidemate for remembering and caring- dashes-------!!!------ they tested the fibrilin (sp?) gene, aka the most obvious gene for causing Marfans-Syndrome-esque diseases. It came back fine- not deleted, or mutated.

So we thought, meh, moveon.edu and get over it.

Then I went to visit one of my fave ophthalmologists in the whole wide world and I asked him if I should maybe go see someone about my overall condition. I mean, Baylor Eye Clinic has been instrumental by God (Wondering when I was going to drop the Christianity bomb weren't you?) in healing my sight, but what about that stupid hip pain that happened and caused me not to walk. I don't know, I'm not up at night worrying (anymore) about it, but I would like to know if my heart was going to spontaneously rip apart. Don't we all? That's just one of the possibilities for people with dislocation issues.

Talk about heartbreak!

I'm sorry, aortic dissection is not funny AT ALL. Cut me some slack, it's a defense mechanism. PLEASE LIKE ME!

So Dr. Lewis, Flubber inventor, genius that he is, refers me to see Dr. Milewicz, have I already written this already?? Well, guess what SHE'S (Hey Laaaaady!) a genius too who studies weirdos like me. You know, Gonzo's of the world that can't get a definitive disease label!?!?

So I go there with the husby and they are SUPER NICE and don't mind my craziness. Long blog post short, I get tested for my ADAMTSL4 gene to see if it's been mutated.

7 weeks go by and honestly, I forgot about it. There was a possibility for it to come back negative which would mean I would get put into the super-special exome sequencing gene project where they test all your genes to see what up with that?

Yesterday I get a call on my cute, new bluetooth that John (Fix-It Felix) installed in my car that no one can hear what I'm saying, and it's the sweet lady who doesn't realize I'm annoying that is the genetic counselor.  She always intros herself on the phone with me, and I'm all like: "Hey Tracy!"

"Do you have time for a brief conversation?"
Me: Always!
So she tells me that both of my genes (we have copies, watch Jurassic Park) are mutated.

 DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

So I ask the idiotic question- I have 2 genes?? And she probably thinks "Bless her heart." depending on how long she has lived in Texas or "Wow, we have to go over this again? I can't believe you're not a geneticist Gillian!" and explains for probably the billionth time to me, yes we have 2 copies...

Then she makes an appt for me to come and ask idiotic questions again with them and understand basically what does this mean for Leelah and her future lineage. In other words, how bad did I future-screw-up her life and the lives of her descendants. That will happen in Dec. 19th- the appt, not the future-life-ruining.

So, y'all ready for what my disease is currently called: "Ectopia Lentis et Pupillae, Autosomal Isolated Recessive." PLEASE VISIT THIS LINK AND READ WHAT IT SAYS- IT MADE ME LAUGH!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, she had also referred me to another rheumatologist. Mine flew the coop. Guess when that appt is? MAY 2013.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!! That's funny.

Yes, my hip has been hurting on and off again.

Wait. You don't know why I keep posting this?? Watch this immediately, please:

 

Thank you. 

Now, watch this please...

John and I can't stop saying: "IT STARTS RIGHT NOW!"

Look, we are not making fun of that guy. He gets right up outta that water with a smile on his face!!!! After total failure, he completely redeems it with his attitude. I love it. I love him. We love him.

Oh yeah, the hip hurting. Whatever. I take fish oil pills now. I can't really wrap my head around how big those pills are either. Yikes. My morning breath is much worse, BUT my hip pain has been alleviated. PRAISE! It's nothing like it was. It just likes to act up on me sometimes.

So I need to stop writing and start editing photos. I love it!