The ‘Best Parents Award’ Does NOT Go To…

The Hurzband and Me.

Looks like we missed our chance to win that highly prized Best Parents Award again! All because of a lollypop which is most likely our daughter’s euphemism for “anything fun”.

I found this the other night in the study/craft room/guest room (or the “slash room” as we should call it), and it took me aback. One, because I had already shed tears 5 minutes prior to seeing it due to my conviction that I don’t spend enough quality time with her and two, because it was a little freaky to behold and three, because it was also funny.

So I cried to John dramatically, “JOHN YOU HAVE TO COME SEE THIS!” He’s used to this beckoning by the way. Leelah was sleeping by the way. And he laughed. So I laughed. We laughed together.

What else could we do?

And I asked Leelah about it during breakfast the next day. Yes, it was what I feared it was about: “You don’t want to do stuff that I want to do and won’t let me do stuff I don’t want to do.” I wanted to say, “Remember when we totally had that Nerf Dart Gun War and attacked Daddy when he came in the door from work last week and when I sewed you the ugliest angry bird ever this weekend?” But I didn’t. I just listened.

She’s a quality timer. That’s her love language and that is hard for me. So there you go. But I won’t let the enemy use this as ammo for guilt that I’m not doing a good parenting job. I will just pray for God to carve our special moments of quality time and enjoy it all: the milk spills, the whining, the hair drying, the nose-mucus-emission, the griping, the Hi-Ho-Cherry-Ho, the sad chalkboard notes, the giggles, all of it.

I won’t wait until we go to Disneyworld to have fun. Or that perfect moment with un-spilled glitter and some beautiful craft and joyous music in the background with just enough lighting for me to photograph it for facebook. We’ll start now and be thankful for it.

The Worst Word You Could Ever Say.

At this very moment, I am wishing that Leelah's classmate, whom I think needs his birth certif. checked because he looks like he is in 2nd grade, would not have told Leelah about the F word. Or as she called it: "The worst word you could ever say."
That's right folks! It starts in Kindergarten! Oh my gracious. I really thought I'd be brokenhearted that she would hear such awful things, and I am a little. But I'm also thankful that she came to me with it. I've learned not to completely freak out and thus, freak her out over things like that or else she will NOT be coming to me with heavy stuff.

Brief example, we were in a public restroom the other day and she asked me something I cannot share. I wanted to yell over her something in gibberish so her question would not be heard by the said public in the restroom. Like this: BLAAAHHBABHAHAH HAHBABJACKOSH!
But I felt a little voice tell me: answer her calmly or she will never ask in the future. OH snap!
So I calmly answered her with the best biology I could muster. I did heart biology and health class. I mean who didn't?
All she wanted was an answer. She wasn't wrong to ask. Lord, please don't let me ever make her feel wrong for asking or telling me anything.
Phew.

But back to the whole bad word sitch, yes, very upsetting. I just told her that if that person ever uses those words to tell him this:
"I will not be friends with you if you use those words." She said okay. Simple.
I also told her that people use very bad words and to NOT be friends with them.
If you are reading this and you cuss, I'm sorry my kid cannot hang out with you.

Yes, I stub my toe and I cannot control the volume of my stage 1 (f is stage 4)cuss word that comes out. I'm a human being with terrible eyesight. But it's almost as if it physically hurts me to hear those words now. We had to move tables the other night at Denny's, which FYI is the high school hang out, just because there was a table full of pottymouths. And cable, DGMS! (Don't Get Me Started!)

We are not sheltering her. She is in public schooling and we are thankful for that and those lessons. But we also don't have to expose her to that mess while we are trying to chillax and eat french toast and grand slams. I seriously wanted to grand slam them with some sense!!

Again, I am not a goody-goody. We are trying to raise her to be relevant and interact but yet:
"so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.."
Phil. 2:15

You Know You Shop at Target Too Much When....

These are sadly, or not sadly at all very, very true:

1. Your family has an endearing, personal nickname for the store: "Targie"

2. You see nothing wrong or peculiar with the Crazy Target Lady's actions or demeanor and in fact, admire her skills.

3. You know exactly how much the popcorn combo price has increased in percentage form. (Well, I know it's gone up like 20 cents, John can do percents he's an engineer)

4. You hesitate to wear any outfit ensemble that consists of a red shirt and khaki pants for fear some kook like yourself will ask you where some obscure organization contraption is should you happen to go into said "Targie".

5. You breathe a sigh when you enter the Dollar Spot and it's been restocked.

6. You've had a celebration to commemorate a milestone with the pharmacy crew (love those guys!)!

7. You have a favorite dressing room to try on pants that are too long for any chick under 5'7".

8. Your husband blatantly tells you "DON'T GO TO TARGET TODAY!!!" when you mention you are going shopping with a friend... (sorry John!)

9. You've had more than 6 of those little plastic tub things from samples you've eaten over the hours because you got caught up in a freak storm and couldn't leave.

10. You know exactly where you will lose cell phone reception in the store and where you won't! (Ladies underwear section is a good place!)

And it behooves me to offer some fun contributions from some friends on FB:

when you say to your 7 year old, "mommy has to run an errand" and he says: "oh, so you're going to Target?"

When the nice man who works the photo booth by the door recognizes when you have not been there in over a week. :) (His name is Anthony and he is the best greeter ever!)

When the checkers comment on how they've been able to watch your child grow up since they were a tiny baby and how big they've gotten.

the lady at starbucks knows that you come on wednesdays with only one child and then when two are added she knows...spooky

when you could literally draw a map of the store with all departments included.
...when you give directions to other customers in the store.
...when you are telling someone where something is and it includes "You know that clearance end cap that's by the frying pans?"
...when you stop to have an extended conversation with the pharmacist every time you go in there and know about her current and coming children (baby girl, due in April).
...when you go in there just to waste time.
...when you know which cashiers deal well with your extreme couponing (and which ones are coupon nazis!)
...you know exactly when the holiday stuff's percent off will occur after holidays.

When your friends see that crazy holiday lady commercial and think of you.... ;)

When you decide to go to Target because you are craving the popcorn and coke combo.

When your kid thinks that's the only place to get an icee.

When you are all dressed up and don't want to waste it on going to WalMart.

When your list of reasons you're glad to move home includes "Target"....and you accidentally say that before "family"....

and another gem one that my friend's husband coined:

All questions in this house can either be answered by "God" or "Target"! Genius!

What I am Thankful For...

Here's my list:

1. That our sweet little one has Jesus in her heart forever!

2. That I can walk without crutches this year!

3. That I can see the sweet faces I love so much and read and drive myself places!

4. That I can kneel down to pray or to pick up things.

5. For Gabby Giffords being able to survive and recover- what an inspiration she is to so many! She rocks my world.

6. My beautiful sister-friends that just know my soul and are family to me.

7. That silly husband that I just can't get over.

8. That we have food, water, and shelter.

9. That the game Ms. PacMan was invented. That game brings me joy.

10. Cheese.

11. Bread.

12. Cheesy Bread.

13. Drinking coffee on the couch.

14. Our troops guaranteeing our freedom!

15. That I won't be shopping on Black Friday.

16. My In-Loves. Really blessed in that arena!

17. My new Adventure!

18. Our little garden. Grow seeds, grow!

19. The color yellow. Okay, the other colors too.

19.5 Barry Manilow and his hit disco song, Copacabana. Wasn't he just 70's gorgeous?

20. Having peace in my heart regardless.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU!

Dang it, Jimmy F.!!!

The whole Michelle Bachmann intro song thing made me sad. It made me so sad I have decided to let you in on a letter that I'm really going to send, probably electronically to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

Dearest Jimmy Fallon and or Late Night with Jimmy Fallon Staff Personnel reading this,
Well shucks Jimmy. We are fans. I mean, we like to laugh. The husband and I have a big ol' jar that we like to believe is our "Saving for our first trip to New York so we can see Jimmy Fallon with our best friends and eat pizza and pretzels simultaneously one day dream" Jar. And now, what do we do!???

(The Jar)
We are from Katy, Texas, remember the Houston Rodeo (not the Alamo, that was all war-ish) you and Higgins had fun with? But look Jimmy (can we call you that?), we are downtrodden about the whole intro music thing now and I might just not put my quarters in the big ol' jar. I might put tears instead. No, not because we are all about Michelle B., not at all really we are kind of on the Cain Train, but because it kind of makes us think, gosh, would Questlove make fun of us too?
We like to dream about what Roots would play for us (no, really we've had discussions about this)?
But now we don't know would it be a song entitled:
Stupid Suburban Face Bleep Bleep?!!
I mean who are we to you, but just people that aren't funny enough to be paid for?
We love your show. We love your talent. We love the Roots' talent too.
BUT DANG IT!!!!!
WHYYY!!!!!!***sadness screams!!!*****
Lamenting from Texas,
Gillian and John N.

Frugalicious Friday No.12!

Take it, Sweet T!

F-to the R-U-G-the A-the L… Frugalicious… It’s hot hot.
Thank you Fergie, for recording that song. It works so well for these Frugalicious Friday posts!
Thank you, Gillian, for being so candid about your budgeting/saving/not going insane method of being a penny pincher. Inspiring.
I’ve come up with a few little tidbits to share with you gals about saving money where you can. There’s no theme to these suggestions, so they are kind of random. Some of them may not be groundbreaking, but some of them might make ya’ go “hmmmmm…. I can do that!”
1) Eating at Chick-fil-a with your kiddos. It can be pricey when you add up all those kids meals and your meal. Since I’ve just got the one kid, I order the 8-count nugget meal, and we share it. It costs around $6. Face it, the kid is only going to eat about 3 of those nuggs, and we adults only need to eat about 4 to be satisfied. Share the fries and the drink (free refills!!!) If you’ve got more than one kid, get the 12 count meal and share it. Savings??? Nearly $4 by not purchasing a kids’ meal with overpriced milk and a book they don’t care about because all they really wanna do is play it up in the stinky-feet CFA playground.
2) Free entertainment. Live near a Bass Pro??? Take your kiddos there instead of that sweaty trip to the zoo. They’ll have just as much fun looking at the big fish tank and the stuffed moose, deer, and bears. Also, most zoos have websites your kids can look at showing live footage of some of their animals. Check it out.
3) Grocery shopping. NEVER go hungry. You WILL make impulse buys if you are hungry. Make a list before you go of everything you will need for the week and stick to that list. Also, it helps to carry a calculator with you to keep a running tab of your purchases. I kind of make it my personal version of supermarket sweep…let’s see how much money I have left over in my grocery budget. And this may not be a good thing, but if at the end of the week, we still have grocery money left, I move it to my restaurant envelope. YAY!!! It’s like my little reward! In my state we don’t have a grocery tax, so we don’t have to figure that. But if you do live in a state that has a tax on groceries, be sure to leave room in your budget for that.
4) KID-SWAP! Need a night out with your hubby-hubby??? Don’t have the budget for a sitter??? Swap services with close friends. They can watch your kids while you get some quality time in with your man. And when that couple wants a night out, you can watch their kids. I GUARANTEE you, your friend is secretly wishing for this scenario to go down. Just ask.
5) Do you or your husband get overtime pay??? My husband is a salary guy, but he also receives overtime pay (saaaaaweeeeet!). DO NOT DEPEND ON YOUR OVERTIME FUNDS!!! There may come a time when the overtime just isn’t there. Any money that you have over the base salary pay should go into savings. After your tithe, just transfer the overtime pay into your savings on payday…like it was never there to begin with. You’ll be glad you did this later, I promise. Now if you are still working your debt snowball, by all means, put your OT pay towards your debt.
Remember gals: Being on a budget can be fun. And YOU can be Fabulously Frugalicious!

While You Wait

So I really don't want this blog to be about "That time when I had 10 eye surgeries (there's more coming) and when I couldn't walk for 7 months stories and lessons." But there are just so many things that time of suck did teach my heart. It WAS used for good. It DID seem evil, but was made for good. God has been putting this on my heart to write and I got to listen and God willing, get my point across.

I know of several young, precious women that are going through tumult with their health. They feel as if their body is crumbling and none of the doctors know why. I'VE BEEN THERE!!! With pain so awful it consumes your mind.

I know of several young women who have had a parent graduate to Heaven.

What are the key words here?: "young women".

Traditionally, it's not young people that face these traumas. Whoa, I just felt myself getting a little term paper up in here and it made my soul shiver, not quite like the words 'accounting' or 'finance' but there was some past-stress-fear there... Sorry I digressed, but it's what I do! But the young part is where the enemy will isolate you.

What did the waiting teach me? It taught me to reassess what I'm waiting on or rather WHOM. You are not waiting on doctors or their staff to call you back or results or for the grief to pass (it won't and I'm sorry!) you are waiting on the Lord! And knowing that makes it SO MUCH EASIER!!! Forgive my caps, but I'm adamant in wanting the world (of 3 people) to know that I wasted a lot of life and thought on waiting. It looked like this:
If I just make it to that specialist- he or she will know what is wrong with my body and then I will be healed!

But I never stopped to think that God was healing me with illness. And when I finally stopped and had been to 15 specialists, spent $$$, and traveled to Rochester, MN for Mayo Clinic and back I went: I'm done. Or rather God told me to stop waiting, stop searching. I mean, I still get calls from the genetic doctor at Mayo and letters stating: Unspecified Connective Tissue Disorder.

So I just stopped. I began to live with the pain, accept it and not rationalize it to death only to wake up the next day shocked that it was still there. I stopped idolizing the pain, the undiagnosis, the doctors, the yuck. All by God's grace alone you see.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Cor. 12:9

Even today, people still ask this former pit-dweller, "Did they ever figure out what it was that caused you so much pain?" I like to throw in a little submarrow bone edema in the femoral neck label (which was the only thing I got), but honestly I know what it was: God allowed that pain to teach me whatever He needed to. In my case it was unconditional love.

And then the pain gradually lessened and I wake up now shocked it doesn't hurt anymore.

But guess what folks, I'm still waiting. I'm waiting to adopt the baby I know with all certainty the Lord has made for us. But did you notice the "I" pronoun? Yes, I'm waiting on my husband to see what I see. He is my practical rock. While I'm a tornado, he is the immovable leather belt that held down Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton in Twister, and that's one of the reasons why I adore him. We are praying to be on the same page. He is waiting on my sight to fail and I'm waiting on my foresight of more kiddos. I love him.

And then I let the stillness set in and that small, quiet voice spoke to my heart: You are not waiting on him, you are waiting on Me. Yes, Lord. I'm so sorry I forgot all of what I learned last year and the years before that.

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

Isaiah 30:18

Are you waiting?
Waiting to find the one?
Waiting to find the perfect job?
The perfect house?
The illness to be done?
The kid to stop doing ____________?
The husband to stop doing _________?
To reunite with __________?
I know I have waited on all those things, but now have peace knowing that I'm waiting on the Lord and His perfect will for my life, which is greater than what I can even dream of:

Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.

John 14:12

Stop waiting on yourself or someone else and wait on Him. That's some true hope right there.

Frugalicious Friday- No. 11! But Sometimes…

Thank you for letting me pretend I know something about saving some dollar-dollar-billz-y’all, because really I don’t!

Last week we had a Frugalicious fail, hence no post. You see, the huzby and I have been having bi-weekly budget meetings for about 2 years. We have not missed one, thank the Lord. So last week we prayed, we got out the T.I. calckie, the worksheets, the planner and the tears. Yes. I cried. I cried for about an hour. Poor John. I’m confident he will be awarded a Husband of a High Maintenance Wife Medal in Heaven.

I cried because the enemy was pouring heaping amounts of shame on my heart in the form of Baby Steps; which is such a great system, but I let it have control, i.e. become an idol. It was damaging to my heart and my marriage.

I cried because we are still on step 2 in the whole Total Money Makeover Plan: Pay off Debt. I don’t want to be on Step 2, I want to be on Step 3: 3-6 mos. of savings. I want to be able to afford necessities like a will and do things right!!! Those US legal forms (where you can purchase cheap DIY wills) were confusing for us. The enemy is taking all these desires of my heart for my family- which are in essence, good – and twisting them for his use of unmet benchmarks for my guilt. Don’t let this happen to you friends.

John reminded me that we have paid about $15,000 in medical bills since we started this plan. That I’ve had 13 surgeries since 2008- when we started. Those have all been paid for by cash- or monthly payments- never credit card. PRAISE JESUS!

First Tip: Don’t go on a Guilt Trip if your kid needs some shoes that require some spendage so the shoes will last. And as one of my Bible study leaders pointed out: God doesn’t use shame to motivate, encourage, etc. “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

That leads me to: But Sometimes.

But sometimes, you have to spend more to get things of greater lasting value and I have found this true in several areas: In other words, don’t buy sprint stuff (cheap) when you need equipment for a marathon.

-Kids’ stuff: toys, shoes, backpacks, socks, underwear, etc. It’s best to spend 5% more so that it will last. Stride Ride and Sketcher had it right all along. Now, do you have to buy 4+ pairs maybe not?

-Purses. It’s true. I can attest. Unless, you want to keep spending money on cheap purses that break in various ways go ahead.

-Your Shoes!!! Don’t go overboard, but realize that you take 1,000 steps+ a day in those bad boys! Yes, you can budget for shoes and clothes.

-Consider trips to the store. My sweet friend brought up a point yesterday- sure I could save $2 on that by going to another store, but I might spend more on gas. Very true.

My other tip is: WRITE IT DOWN.

You want inspiration: Rocky. Rocky knew the exact training he needed to win the fight (or at least hospitalize his opponent). He knew who his opponent (think your debt) was. He had a plan (budget, cash envelopes, drinking eggs). Your plan is to pay off debt, or save money or whatever but you need to have the numbers written down or you will be fighting in the dark against something in the dark.

This means writing exactly: House mortgage balance, car balance (call and get the pay off amount), credit card balances, school loan balances, etc. Do the work to find out the exact balances. Type up a spreadsheet or poster it! Remember, most of us are visual learners anyway and if you learn by writing- then you be the one who writes it up!

And type up the amount need for those desires too: will, disney vacay, a shower re-mo, etc.  These are your future goals.

Congrats, you now have a plan! So I did that this week. I don’t know why we’ve only used the balances in bill form as our goal plan, but that DOES NOT WORK. And there’s just something about seeing that decrease in debt on paper. Dave always talks about this on the radio and compares it to a map for where you are going. Without it you are lost. I completely agree!! And make a big deal out of the victories (family meeting cheer, play that Celebrate song everytime or the Rocky training montage song- have fun!). Let it be a family affair. Successful companies do this, why can’t your family?

I’m sorry that these “tips” probably seem like when someone asks you “Did you check the batteries?” or “Where’d you last see it?” kind of obvious, but I know this was a huge encouragement for us.

Leelah's Decision for Jesus!

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Matthew 19:14

Tonight as we tucked our precious child into bed we read her a little pamphlet that our children's Pastor Bud had given her during her last visit with him. The little book took her down the "Roman Road" and while John and I kept looking at each other as if to telepathically communicate: "But is she ready Lord? Does she get it?" We both saw the creeping smile on her sweet face stretch across those cheeks we adore. The peace and the excitement that seemed to ooze out from her little body gave us the answer we needed: she had decided and she was ready for Jesus to take over her life. She repeated the prayer and then had a celebratory jump on the bed. And we know that Jesus, The Father, the angels, PawPaw, Granny, Grandmother Barbara and my father- her Gigi all were jumping for joy with her in Heaven.
Please pray for her little but mighty walk. We plan on making her Baptism arrangements soon- because she said over and over again "I'm GOING TO SHARE MY STORY AND BE BATHTIZED!!!!"
This is the day we have prayed for! Thank you Jesus!!!

What Stuff Should Really Be Called...

In my humble opinion this is what I think of:

Taco Bell should be called "I don't have enough money to eat out and I could make a sandwich at home but I don't want to- place."

The movie and book, The Notebook should be called "The movie/book to watch/read for people that have never had anything really horrible happen to them so as to produce emotions."

Law & Order: SVU should be called "Assaults." (and see above)

Domestic Cats should be called "Animals that would eat you if they were bigger than you."

Lounge Wear should be called "Schlub-time clothes."

Target should be called "Everyone that has breath's happy place."

La Madeleine Restaurant should be called "The place I go to feel like I'm in Europe, or at least, Epcot."

Beach/Mountain/Castle Scenery Calendars should be called "Daydream Fodder Material or The calendar you buy when you really hate where you live/work."

I-Phones should be called "Fancy technological device that my child will throw in a toilet."

Bread and or Cheese should be called "Food I like more than people."

Unicycles should be called "I want to show off-cycles." (We saw a man leisurely riding around on one a couple weekends ago in our neighborhood and I kind of wanted to push him off it in a nice way.)

Tacos should be called "House-Smell-Changers."

Bananas should be called "Lunch-Smell-Ruiners."

Kleenex boxes on the back dash of the backseat of cars should be called "Crazy people cars or Cars that have Cars with Severe Seasonal Allergies passengers."

Today's Ice Cream Truck/Van Drivers should be called "People that will sell you marked up ice cream and possibly a human organ." They are so scary!

That's all I can think of for today. But I'm glad to have gotten that off my chest.

“Shoe”ing Away My Pride…

This blog post has been on my heart, or rather, my heels for while. So much so that I have been thought-piling about it. Thought piling- when you pile up all your thoughts so as to spare your words for just the right moment henceforth concocting just the right message. I don’t do this often. I have word-lava spilling out of me at all times.

Recently, my soul took a humbling. I got a size 8 (yes, really) smackdown. Girls, I had to give away all my flip flops (if you live in Texas you can understand the magnitude of this decision), all my heels (if you are a female you can understand the magnitude of this decision), all my platforms/wedges save one pair – these were the hardest for me to part with. Wedges are my go to. They are my eber-kenegdo of shoes. My only way to see what people of average height experience.

Let me let you in on a little secret I’ve been withholding- my hip(s) have been hurting again. I can feel them weakening. But it’s not nearly like the No-Walk-Fest of 2010- so thankful. But still it was enough to make me breakdown and let go of an image that us girls cling to dearly: SHOES. I’m more of a purse-girl really, but dang, when  you have to giveaway all your pretty shoes at 30 years old because your hips aren’t connected well with connective tissue that just does something to your feminine ego.

So I realized: “Gillian, you can’t be wearing 3in+platforms and be complaining about my hip hurts.” I had to be sensible. I had to go to Naturalizer. I have to choose sensible over fashionable and I had to not cry at the Naturalizer store. Can I tell you that this was a test? I don’t know if I passed or failed. But it was testing. Especially when I was looking for 3 pairs of my new life- I mean- shoes and there was the sweetest mother/daughter pair looking at the same shoes I was. The problem: THE MOTHER WAS 90, USING A WALKER AND THE DAUGHTER WAS SHOWING HER MY SHOES. MINE. I was looking at the same ones. Techinically, at that point they still belonged to Naturalizer and they weren’t mine at all.

Please hear my heartcries I was having that day in the Naturalizer Store:

I wanted to yell out: REALLY! COME ON!! YES THOSE ARE WAAAAAAY TOO YOUNG FOR YOU- LET ME SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE AND PROVIDE YOU WITH MY OPINION!!

So. Much. Pride.

STOP TOUCHING/LOOKING THROUGH YOUR CATARACTS at MY SOON TO BE SHOES!

Oh wait, I’ve had cataracts too.

Oh wait, I couldn’t walk either last year. Oh wait, you are so precious and I’m sorry.

You see, my pride is being killed off and I don’t like it. 

And I think it’s beautiful that your daughter is so lovely to take you shopping.

I am going through this alone because no other 30 year old has to do this.

Oh but wait, I’m so thankful I CAN buy 3 pairs of shoes (yes emergency shoes budget-wise). How dare I complain about buying shoes. I hate my ugliness sometimes.

Dang it- more pride killing. Why doesn’t all my pride just die at once to spare me future uncomfortableness. DON’T I HAVE ENOUGH DEPTH ALREADY?

I’m so thankful I’m not in a Dr’s office right now.

My pride was singed off pretty brutally that day. My vanity had to get smushed in Naturalizer. Once again, I learned it just doesn’t matter. So what. People, I’m 5’1”. I’m not 5’3.1475” like I’d like you to think. My legs are not Giselle-length. You’re just going to have to love me or not how I am Naturally. God does, so there!

Oh and those are the 3 pairs I picked out. It’s kind of nice and freeing not having to choose through 30 pairs of shoes everyday. The Leopard had to be done to salvage my soul.

And about the whole question people ask: “Well what if that crippling pain comes back?” “What about having more eye surgeries?” Don’t let my seemed courage fool you- I continually ask that. That’s called worry though and it’s the opposite of faith.

And the answer really is: So what? So. I gotta know that God’s already got that covered, answered, healed. I know this is getting lengthy, I personally stopped reading my own post 3 paragraphs ago, but let me just share this.

There’s a Bible study at my church, Joy of Living. We are studying Daniel currently (well Jonah now). And my adorable, precious friend and neighbor, Lisa is a teacher. God uses her in my life in a big way. The Lord shared an amazing truth through her to me the other morning in the form of a lesson entitled: Lessons from the Furnace which was all about Daniel 3 and the story of Meshach, Shadrach, & Abednego. This one part struck me and it ties into my worry/fear over when my body will give out next:

¹⁶ Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. ¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us^[c] from Your Majesty’s hand. ¹⁸ But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

Did you catch that? “But even if He does not…”

Even if He does not heal me instantly. Even if He does not- I will not fear. I will not praise my body working (my gold statue). I will let that fear go. I will give it over and back to Him where that belongs. I just trust.